Quantcast

Gov. Chris Christie Announces He'll Run in 2016 [Satire]

After taking the initial step of procuring gastric-band surgery earlier this year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has announced at a press conference in Trenton, NJ that he will start jogging as early as 2016.

"My advisers have reminded me that running takes commitment. They say, 'If you're going to start running, you have to put yourself into it 100% if it's going to pay dividends. Not just anyone can run, you have to have the will and commitment to see it through.' I say, America, I am ready and fully committed," said Christie. 

While firmly committed, Christie has been quoted saying he believes he will be "more ready" to run after he builds up his fitness level through more manageable exercises, such as the elliptical and yoga.

Christie left the conference without taking questions, citing that "now is the time" to go to the gym.

Making drastic changes to his diet as well, Christie has shown he is willing to work with both fitness camps when it comes to losing weight. Sources have confirmed that Christie will be following a "bi-carte-tisan" meal plan, which includes both vegan and meat dishes.

Pundits believe Christie will be successful in achieving his goals to run in 2016 due to a "no nonsense" attitude towards exercise, even in inclement weather, and a moderate approach to eating healthy and treating yourself every once in a while.

Like us on Facebook:
CLOSE | X

Do you agree that our
generation needs a voice?

Take a One-Question Survey and Give Us Your Feedback.
Take the survey now