A terrible new sickness is sweeping the lives of hipsters and quirky individuals the world over. The socially awkward and unacceptably dressed have found allies in illness: Do you think you live in a Wes Anderson movie? Are you excited by the recent renaissance of corduroy? Have you always had a passion for seersucker, handwritten letters and moustaches? Then you might be one of the new breed of quirky victims of the Anderson juggernaut. Here are six signs your life is a little too Wes Anderson.
Have you lost the ability to move your face more than a couple of inches? Then welcome to the world of quirky American cinema. Or being Keanu Reeves. But that’s just his face all of the time.
There is a light to the end-of-the-face paralysis tunnel, however: Have you begun to use your new blunt delivery to express important emotional truths? Or are you just using it to further your mystique as a slam poet? If it’s the latter you should probably find a proper job, but if it’s the former then welcome to the world of new sincerity cinema.
If everything in your life has begun to exist within a specific spectrum of shades then you might be a Wes Anderson character. Many a time have I seen friends choose the bottled water that best compliments the pallet of shades in the rest of their grocery cart. They, like so many in an increasing epidemic, are falling prone to the symptoms of Wes Anderson movie-itis.
You may think you have put on a pretty standard playlist at a party when suddenly you wake up from a period of amnesia to find your friends staring at you, slumped over the speakers. “Did everybody enjoy the Motown?” you ask. They look at each other. “There wasn’t any Motown, man,” one brave ambassador says. “You just played us clips from Russian children’s lullaby cassettes mixed with Rolling Stones b-sides.” If this has happened to you, you should probably see an Anderson expert.
If you aren’t just making new friends but "introducing" a new friend into a group of cool and well established friends on a regular basis, then you might be a Wes Anderson character. Whether you're Amara Karan, Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, or Tony Revolori, if you haven’t brought a new friend in you may just be the new friend. In which case good luck showing off your skills against Owen Wilson and Tilda Swinton. See you in a made-for-TV special.
It’s simple algebra. How many long-haired dandies, actor/musician hybrids, or stubbly thespians have you collated, and what would it look like if they raised an inevitable communal baby together? If the answer is Jason Schwartzman, you are well and truly gone my friend. At least your life will look fabulous on screen.