End of the World 2012: All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Today was supposed to be the day: the end of the 5,125 year Mayan calendar, the day  which would usher in either the apocalyptic end of the world or herald the birth of a new age. Millions around the world watched and waited. And — just like all the other apocalyptic predictions — the only thing that happened was a lot of news coverage.

The alarm clock went off, and it was Groundhog Day. The winter solstice arrived, the recycled goods were picked up, the highway/mass transit is jammed-pack and Starbucks just made another cool $20 mill.

What a rip-off! The end of the world came and all I got was a lousy T-shirt! Roll tide!!

December 21, 2012 had been on the watch list for soothsayers and doomsday zealots ever since the turn of the century. And no one is shying away from making a buck off the apocalypse.

Newsday reported that “hundreds of spiritualists from Asian, North American, South American and European shamanistic traditions mingled amiably with the Mexican hosts at a convention center.” Seers and spiritual charlatans have made a fortune on the gullible who buy into these predictions. In the Yucatan province of Mexico, the birthplace of the Mayan calendar, you could get your “aura photographed with ‘Chi’ light, get a shamanic cleansing or buy sandals, herbs and whole-grain baked goods.”

I imagine bars and drug dealers also made out like bandits, as some tried to go out with a bang. And I guess some people literally went out with a bang.

Some are still holding out that the end is nigh. “Wait until the dawn on the 22nd; that is when we Maya will speak” said Nobel Peace Prize laureate Rigoberta Menchu. How about if I just eat my bagel with cream cheese while I wait... 

The hucksters have already started the charlatan spin cycle to keep that cash flowing in from the gullible. “The galactic bridge has been established. The cosmos is going to take us to a higher level of vibration ... where humanity is in glory, in joy,” declared so-called spiritual leader Alberto Arribalzaga.

I have no idea what the hell that means, but Gabriel Romero, a Los Angeles-based spiritualist who uses crystal skulls in his ceremonies said it best “We'll still have to pay taxes next year.”