Best Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino, "Django Unchained" & Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy: Don Cheadle, "House of Lies"

Robert Pattinson has emerged from his cave to present an award to Quentin Tarantino, thereby encouraging him to continue not editing himself! He also needs to maybe get a better tailor, since that suit was not made for him.

And then there's Jeremy Irons, whose introduction of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is making it sound considerably more dramatic and exciting than it presumably is. This is particularly ironic given that the HFPA has decided to claim that it is a comedy.

Aaaand everybody is very surprised to hear that Don Cheadle has won best actor in a comedy show. I love Don Cheadle, so this is fine. This awards show really, really like giving awards to movie stars, but if they're gonna do that, might as well give stuff to people like Julianne Moore and Don Cheadle, who are so deserving. Let's just give lots of awards to the entire cast of Boogie Nights! That would actually be a pretty good idea.

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Morgan Davies

Morgan Davies is a novelist living in New York City. She graduated from Barnard College with a degree in English literature, film studies, and creative writing. You can find her on Twitter and at http://artistascritic.blogspot.com.

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