Grammys 2013 LIVE: A Complete Winners and Nominees Deathmatch

My musical taste exists on a poorly oiled sliding scale between “Tirelessly Cynical Pitchforkian Hipster” and “17-Year-Old Top 40 Loyalist.” It typically gets stuck for prolonged periods at one end or the other, forcing me to really dial up my kinetic energy and aggressively jar it loose in such a way that its momentum carries it all the way to the opposite extreme, where it sticks like freeze-dried molasses.

It — we’re still talking about my musical taste — spends very little time along the middle portion of the scale; the portion I like to call “Your Average Listener.”

I guess a better way to say it is that I’m musically bipolar — but who doesn’t love their metaphors like their bean dip these days? Deeply layered.

Case in point: Nestled along my “Starred” list on Spotify, you’ll find “Lines” by A$AP Rocky, Big Boi, and Phantogram (Pitchforkian) cutely tucked below “Cups” by Anna Kendrick (Loyalist).

Which brings us to the Grammy awards that are airing February 10 on CBS (Hint: Just push the “guide” button on your remote and look for it somewhere in the evening section; we’re all in different zones and I need a nap).  

For me, this year’s show is all about what sort of white noise is going to rob Frank Ocean and Jack White over and over and over again (Pitchforkian). However, I won’t lose my religion if The Lumineers win something since both myself and the band are from the Denver-y area (Loyalist).

In other news, everyone on planet Earth is performing during the ceremony. That’s right — all 7-something billion of us. Get ready. Bruno Mars will give us the cue by doing something ridiculously annoying. Oh, wait.

Stick with me here as I sift through more than 800,000 award categories and live blog the Sunday night celebrity shenanigans.

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

Andy Holdeman

I have a job. I have an education. I eat snacks. I don't know what else to say about myself.

MORE FROM

Why Halle Berry believes her Oscar win "meant nothing" to diversity in Hollywood

Here is how the actress is getting involved to bring more diversity to Hollywood.

The 'Pretty Little Liars' series finale tackled fertility and it was the realest the show ever got

British evil twin aside, the 'Pretty Little Liars' finale dealt with a serious issue in a sober way.

'Baby Driver' reviews: Critics are in love with Edgar Wright's latest high-octane film

'Baby Driver' is being called one of the summer's best films.

'America's Got Talent' contestant Johnny Manuel dominates Whitney Houston ballad

The Flint, Michigan, native missed a shot at a music career in his teens. Now he wants a second chance.

How much money does the winner of 'Big Brother' season 19 get?

After battling it out all summer, the winner of 'Big Brother' gets a big payout.

'Game of Thrones' star Emilia Clarke filmed more in Belfast. What does that mean for Daenerys?

Many of the series' interior shots are filmed at Titanic Studios in Belfast.

Why Halle Berry believes her Oscar win "meant nothing" to diversity in Hollywood

Here is how the actress is getting involved to bring more diversity to Hollywood.

The 'Pretty Little Liars' series finale tackled fertility and it was the realest the show ever got

British evil twin aside, the 'Pretty Little Liars' finale dealt with a serious issue in a sober way.

'Baby Driver' reviews: Critics are in love with Edgar Wright's latest high-octane film

'Baby Driver' is being called one of the summer's best films.

'America's Got Talent' contestant Johnny Manuel dominates Whitney Houston ballad

The Flint, Michigan, native missed a shot at a music career in his teens. Now he wants a second chance.

How much money does the winner of 'Big Brother' season 19 get?

After battling it out all summer, the winner of 'Big Brother' gets a big payout.

'Game of Thrones' star Emilia Clarke filmed more in Belfast. What does that mean for Daenerys?

Many of the series' interior shots are filmed at Titanic Studios in Belfast.