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Good news, folks — the 2013 Grammys are tonight.

The bad news — the show airs on the number-one network for creating arbitrary number-one television show ranking systems: CBS.

In between LL Cool J robotics, top 40 performances, and some awards, expect to see a full slate of commercials endorsing all of CBS’ number-one shows — including number-one prime time show, number-one drama, number-one sitcom, number-one new show, number-one show with an Australian guy talking American, number-one show featuring that guy who played Jesus, and number-one dumbest show (which is all of them somehow combined).


If you don’t have access to a television or you simply can’t stand those commercials, dial in on the CBS’ Live Stream.

I’m assuming the number-one ads don’t air on the internet. This could be a disastrous assumption.