10 Best Grammy Awards Moments

Tonight's 3 and a half hour Grammy Award Ceremony was filled with a high quantity of mid to mid/high-quality moments. We have to focus on these quantities if we want to come away with a good picture of this incredible and mostly forgettable night of pretty good music. 

I've gathered here my preliminary estimates for a special report, which I am calling

The Grammys By The Numbys (or, The Grammers by the Numbers)

A carefully calculated list of the night's most nutrageous and salient moments.

 

12: # of times LL Cool J licked his lips

[PSA = 1: # of ChapSticks it takes to heal dry, weather beaten lips]

8: # of times LL Cool J told a bullshit story about the Grammys being music

4: # of awards Dan Auderbach of the Black Keys won (Highest # of awards won by a single artist tonight)

2: # of awards fun. won (Lamest # of awards won by a single artist tonight)

0: # of awards you or I or any of your friends won (How fucked is that?!)

8: # of times Taylor Swift got giddy and clapped like a schoolgirl

2: # of Marleys that graced the stage

.125: # of Bob Marley songs hat got sung

8: # of times Taylor Swift got giddy and clapped like a schoolgirl

2,000,000: # of Chris Brown and Rihanna tweets 

2: # of fucks Rihanna gives about all those Chris Brown and Rihanna tweets

I hope you all enjoyed your nights. Be well.