Maduro Says Hugo Chavez Told Jesus to Pick Pope Francis

If you thought that Venezuelan acting president Nicolas Maduro's paranoid rants on the United States giving Hugo Chavez cancer were crazy, you ain't heard nothing yet. At a book fair today, Maduro credited the recently-deceased Hugo Chavez with influencing Jesus Christ to get the College of Cardinals to elect Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina as the first South American pope. It is all part of the Chavista ploy to reinforce the growing cult of Chavez.

"We know that our commander ascended to the heights and is face-to-face with Christ. Something influenced the choice of a South American pope, someone new arrived at Christ's side and said to him: 'Well, it seems to us South America's time has come.'"

The soon-to-be ruler of Venezuela went on to say that Chavez may call a "constitutional assembly" in Heaven soon to order changes to the Catholic Church. To emphasize: this man is about to be elected leader of the nation with the world's largest oil reserves.