An article recently released in the Washington Post covers the issue of “protective buffering,” which researchers state is when “you hide worries or concerns to shield your partner from something unpleasant or just to keep the peace.” There is a difference between being brutally honest and not revealing all the information. Of course, you have to determine when lying will hurt the individual or if it hurts the relationship.
If you care about the person you're dating, you'll never say these five things.
1. That article of clothing makes you look fat
Time and time again women more so then men ask their significant other if they approve of that outfit. Women never really want to hear that outfit makes them look that heavy. Men do not want to hear that that shirt may accentuate their stomach gained from drinking.
Though, if the person is seeking approval of their body image, do not give negative responses. If health and body image is an issue, then pose your response in a positive and constructive way. Suggest that both of you increase your physical activity together, talk about changing your diet. Make it a conscious effort to change into a healthier lifestyle.
2. I have a crush on my co-worker, who is better looking than you
This is something you just do not admit to your significant other. In relationships, people have crushes, and that goes for married folks as well. The difference is whether or not you act on that crush. The mantra that I always go by is “look but don’t touch.” A friend's boyfriend always mentions that he crushes on other women because he works in a bar. Of course, it’s natural for you to find other people attractive, but she does not need to hear it ALL the time.
And if you are having a crush on somebody else while in a relationship and you want to act upon it, that means that you should reexamine and reevaluate what why you are in your current relationship.
3. I spent $50 on my new hair cut/video game/any item that’s somewhat expensive
Sometimes telling your significant other how much you spent on that one item is unnecessary, especially if you bought with your own money. It becomes a problem is when you spend money unnecessarily or ignore bigger financial issues.
If that's the case, you would need to speak with your partner about finances and propose possible budgets and money management skills. A 2003 study found that finance issues are a major problem in relationships. Having a "rainy day fund" for extravagant unnecessary things every once in a while might be the way to solve that problem. That is, if your salary allows it.
4. I can’t stand your mother/brother/annoying family member
In some cases, there is just one person in your significant other’s family that you will not get along with, and that's OK. You do need to vocalize this all the time. There are certain personalities that do not mesh well with you and that is ok. As long as you are civil with them and treat them with respect, then it shouldn’t ever be an issue.
If it affects the relationship between you and your significant other, then you might want to bring it up. For example, if your boyfriend’s mother dislikes you because of your socioeconomic status or race, then that is an issue.
5. Yes, I still play video games sometimes for 24 hours straight
So you went and played video games at your best friend’s house when you said you were at your grandmother's. You used to play video games 24/7 and now play two hours because your boyfriend/girlfriend said to cut back. Sometimes revisiting those old habits are not too bad.
The problem is when you lie about it more often and could use that activity as a way to escape problems within your relationship or life in general. If you say you’re spending the weekend at your grandma’s but really are going to play World of Warcraft for 48 hours straight, sometimes that isn’t a bad thing.
I am not going to admit to my friends that, yes, I really did spend 9 hours watching How I Met Your Mother instead of cleaning the apartment and doing my taxes.
Examine the reasons of why you are lying, evaluate if telling the truth will cause more harm then good. You must outweigh the consequences/benefits of lying — if you are doing it to avoid bigger issues, then you should be truthful.