Gov. Chris Christie Announces He'll Run in 2016 [Satire]

After taking the initial step of procuring gastric-band surgery earlier this year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) has announced at a press conference in Trenton, NJ that he will start jogging as early as 2016.

"My advisers have reminded me that running takes commitment. They say, 'If you're going to start running, you have to put yourself into it 100% if it's going to pay dividends. Not just anyone can run, you have to have the will and commitment to see it through.' I say, America, I am ready and fully committed," said Christie. 

While firmly committed, Christie has been quoted saying he believes he will be "more ready" to run after he builds up his fitness level through more manageable exercises, such as the elliptical and yoga.

Christie left the conference without taking questions, citing that "now is the time" to go to the gym.

Making drastic changes to his diet as well, Christie has shown he is willing to work with both fitness camps when it comes to losing weight. Sources have confirmed that Christie will be following a "bi-carte-tisan" meal plan, which includes both vegan and meat dishes.

Pundits believe Christie will be successful in achieving his goals to run in 2016 due to a "no nonsense" attitude towards exercise, even in inclement weather, and a moderate approach to eating healthy and treating yourself every once in a while.

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

MORE FROM

Will Justice Anthony Kennedy retire at end of Supreme Court term? Here's what we know.

Rumors that the 80-year-old swing justice may leave the bench are fueling fear of a second Trump pick on the nation's high court.

3 states and D.C. allow same flammable building materials behind Grenfell Tower fire

The causes of London's Grenfell Tower are similar to the justifications used to waive fire regulations in the U.S.

New Jersey bill would require kids to be taught how to interact with police

Students from kindergarten through 12th grade would receive the education.

UK Parliament hit with cyberattack

Members of Parliament had difficulty accessing their emails Saturday in the wake of the attack.

Istanbul LGBT pride march banned by government for safety concerns

A right-wing nationalist group has vowed to stop the protest.

Compounds seized by US in December reportedly contained material useful in Russia probe

The Trump administration has reportedly been considering returning the New York and Maryland compounds to Russia.

Will Justice Anthony Kennedy retire at end of Supreme Court term? Here's what we know.

Rumors that the 80-year-old swing justice may leave the bench are fueling fear of a second Trump pick on the nation's high court.

3 states and D.C. allow same flammable building materials behind Grenfell Tower fire

The causes of London's Grenfell Tower are similar to the justifications used to waive fire regulations in the U.S.

New Jersey bill would require kids to be taught how to interact with police

Students from kindergarten through 12th grade would receive the education.

UK Parliament hit with cyberattack

Members of Parliament had difficulty accessing their emails Saturday in the wake of the attack.

Istanbul LGBT pride march banned by government for safety concerns

A right-wing nationalist group has vowed to stop the protest.

Compounds seized by US in December reportedly contained material useful in Russia probe

The Trump administration has reportedly been considering returning the New York and Maryland compounds to Russia.