What the Republican Candidates Should Say to Illinois Primary Voters

Illinois' biggest problem is political corruption. This has caused high taxes, enormous deficits and poor public services. Four of eight governors went to jail, our state university humiliated, public education disgraced, and street crime rampant.

Now, if I were a candidate for President, I would say something like this: 

People of Illinois, you have suffered corruption at every level of government. The result: High taxes and debt. You pay for good schools and receive bad schools.  You pay for law enforcement and receive gang violence and murder.

Your politicians treat the state and local treasuries like their personal feeding troughs. The same criminals have been running your state for ages, and they have become so bold and greedy, nothing seems beyond their reach. These crooks even make sure judges are beholden to them. I feel for you.

Therefore, if I become president, I will make a special project out of Illinois. I not only will re-hire famed attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, but I will expand his reach to cover the entire state, and I’ll make sure he has the budget and personnel to do the job.

You are being forced to live in a cesspool.  It’s not your fault.  But I will make sure you don’t need to continue suffering corrupt politicians.

Of course, the guy never will get elected.  

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