James Bond is a rotten drunk.
Everybody knows the famous fictional spy is an avid drinker – shaken, not stirred – but now there’s conclusive proof of just how much Bond drinks. And the answer? Too much.
Researchers in England went through 14 of Ian Fleming’s Bond novels, from Casino Royale to Man with the Golden Gun, and counted up just how much alcohol Bond consumers. Tallying it all up, they found that over the course of 88 days, Bond consumed 1,150 units of alcohol, making him a veritable drunkard.
Published in the British Medical Journal (because why not?), the doctors found Bond drinks an average of roughly 92 units of alcohol per week, which figures out to be five vodka martinis a day. Bond’s regular alcohol consumption is over four times the recommended amount for an adult male.
Bond is at his binge drinking best during From Russia With Love, when he consumes 50 units of alcohol in a single day, making even the frattiest bros say “dude, bro, you might have a problem.”
I’m thinking Her Majesty should stage an intervention, before it’s too late. Bond is a “very glamorous person, he gets all the girls and that’s totally incompatible with the lifestyle of an alcoholic,” one of the doctors told BBC. His alcoholic nature would lead to liver damage, an early death (doctors give him a life expectancy of mid-50s), and impotence in any real human being. But because this is James Bond, his blood flows (flows) unhindered.
The doctors note that because of his chronic drinking problem, it’s unlikely Bond would be able to perform high-stress, complicated tasks, meaning his secret-agent exploits are “likely to be pure fiction.” Thanks guys. Excellent deduction.