Have you ever wanted to wear a bathing suit of super tight latex while getting intimate with your lover? Finally, there's a perfect product.
Meet the Scroguard, a latex bodysuit developed by two Atlanta entrepreneurs designed to "reduce skin-to-skin contact in the genital areas that are not covered by a condom."
There's really no mincing words about what it does: It's a latex condom that covers your entire pelvis. If Bubble Boy wanted to get laid, he'd use this — along with a regular condom.
Scroguard is made of latex, is machine washable and reusable (ew), and was designed protect users against sexually transmitted diseases such as genital herpes and HPV.
"Both genital herpes and HPV can spread to your scrotum and pubic region through direct skin-to-skin contact and genital secretions during sex, even from someone who has completely normal-looking skin with no visible warts or sores," according to the website.
With the tagline "Less Worry. More Fun" and a price tag starting at $20 a pop, it doesn't appear to be for casual users so much as people with major concerns about sexual health. That said, it looks a bit ridiculous to the untrained eye — and has bizarre, rhyming ads to match:
"You're getting ready to have a blast / but you're not sure about someone's sexual past. / Part of the skin of your genital area has a cover / but most is still exposed to your lover/ Not anymore."
"You can also put on Scroguard hours before the main event," he helpfully adds later in the commercial.
The creators of the device insist that it is not a joke and has actual applications that would make it useful for a variety of users. Company founder Addison Sears-Collins told the Daily Dot that the device is seeing strong early sales, though we have to emphasize its medical claims haven't been formally evaluated:
Yes, this is real and can be purchased on the Pricing page of our website. We launched last week and had more interest in the product than we originally had anticipated.
The feedback from our customers has been great. Primary interest has come from casual sex partners and committed couples who want peace of mind, members of the HPV and Herpes community (note: we're not an FDA approved medical device), non-monogamous men and women, and members of the swing and latex fetish community.
It's effectiveness is unclear. The website claims Scroguard is "not to be construed as a way to mitigate or prevent disease." If you actually are looking to prevent yourself from catching an STD, the best you can say about Scroguard is that it probably wouldn't hurt. Scroguard insists that alternatives that could fill a similar role are limited to boxers (which aren't protective), Saran wrap ("not very sexy and time consuming") and abstinence ("no fun").
On top of that, the Scroguard makes farting noises while you're getting it on:
What is the weird noise that is made when I use Scroguard TM?
This Whoopee cushion-like noise that might occur when wearing this product is due to air pockets between your skin and Scroguard TM. Fasten other buttons to see what tightness level is best for you based on your body shape and size.
So the casual sex-haver may be forgiven for viewing this as a strange and somewhat pointless oddity. Those seeking "an extra layer of security or peace of mind," as Sears-Collins told the Huffington Post, might do well to consult their doctor before betting their sexual health on a strange latex girdle. That leaves just the kind of person who wants to wear Scroguard — and I'm thinking they'd probably prefer it if it came in black.