Abraham Lincoln Was a Vampire Hunter, Kate Upton Photos Made Us Feel American, and Alan Rickman Was Epic: The Weirdest News of the Week

This week I spent approximately one million hours trolling around on the Internet. What did I learn during that time, you ask? I learned that one guy took nine tons of chocolate and built a Mayan temple. I also witnessed the pit-falls of super-strength cannabis with this photo of a stoned Czech girl crossing a river on a 40-foot electricity pylon: she was so high she thought it was a bridge. Also, Kate Upton became every man's desktop background. 

I was intrigued (along with the scandalized nation of Thailand) by the topless boob-painter who may have broken censorship rules with her bare-chested TV game show cameo. Bulgarian archaeologists proved to me (and you too I guess) that vampire skeletons do exist (ps Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter). I also discovered that the best way to make a jail-cell lock might be to have the inmates test it. And yes, I'll admit I was a little jealous of the 'Mad Men' McDonald's uniforms in the U.K. ... even though they look a lot like the old McDonald's uniforms in the U.K. 

Finally, I watched Alan Rickman pour tea for a loooooong time.