Halloween can be tricky business if you're a feminist. Whether it's the "sexy Native American" or the "sultry geisha," there's just no shortage of offensive combinations to choose from in your Halloween shop. As Mic's Derrick Clifton noted recently: "Halloween should be a fun evening for everyone, but first we need to do a better job at creating a culture in which cultural appropriation, sexism and racial stereotypes are no longer considered amusing or clever."
And don't get us started on the men's costumes, many of which appear to have been thought up by a drunken sophomore in college. (Pro tip: It will never be OK to dress up as an abusive Ray Rice for Halloween.)
Assuming you do, finally, find a satisfactory costume, it's become almost impossible to find a non-sexualized version of it. It's not that women shouldn't have the right to wear something revealing, but it would be nice to have a choice in the matter.
So what does one do when faced with so much Halloween-related exasperations? Give up entirely on the holiday, stay home, inhale a bag of bite-sized Snickers and listen to the "rainy day break-up" Songza playlist? Nope. Create your own. Don't worry if you're feeling uninspired. Here are a few of our favorites, just to get your creative juices flowing:
The "Hobby Lobby"
Five conservative men took it upon themselves this summer to restrict access to birth control for millions of employed women across this great nation, giving more power to bosses who refuse to cover contraception on "religious grounds." In a 5-4 ruling — in which zero of the justices who voted in favor of this decision will ever have an unplanned pregnancy — the Supreme Court single-handedly decided that corporations can have a religious conscious. In the noble words of Mitt Romney, corporations are people!
So this year, don't worry if your costume budget has been slashed due to those pesky birth control costs: Just put on regular clothes and go as a corporation. When people ask you who you are, you can say: "I'm Hobby Lobby, and thanks to the Supreme Court, I'm a person, too."
The "Notorious RBG"
Speaking of Hobby Lobby, there are not nearly enough words to describe the ways Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg energized the feminist movement this year. When she wasn't writing scathing dissents for Texas's strict voting laws or for the Hobby Lobby case, she gave heartfelt advice to young feminists.
At the young, young age of 81, she still works out like a "Canadian Air Force pilot." She also hates mansplaining just as much as you and views her nickname, the "Notorious RBG," as a compliment. In fact, she loves it so much that she owns a few of those T-shirts, too.
The "Slutty Vagina"
Although Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a "slut" for demanding access to birth control more than three years ago, the Hobby Lobby ruling proved that as a nation, we still can't get over the fact that women have sex. So this year, let it all hang out. Screw the sexy nurse costume, let's just call a spade a spade and dress up as good old slutty vaginas, a la the Daily Show's Kristen Schaal circa 2013.
The "Mo'ne Davis"
Being on the cover of Sports Illustrated is hard if you're girl — and a 13-year-old girl at that — but Mo'ne Davis managed to break through that barrier in more ways than one. Not that anyone should have been surprised, the South Philadelphia native, who plays for the Taney Dragons, was also the first Little Leaguer, and youngest person ever, to ever grace the cover of the magazine.
Davis definitely brings new meaning to that long-derogatory stereotype, "throwing like a girl."