Magic Mike Movie Preview: Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey Strip and Men Should be Excited Too

Before I write anything else, I’d like to apologize for not making more “hopefully Magic Mike doesn’t come up short” type innuendos in this article.  I just couldn’t rise to the challenge.  But seriously …

Hopefully you know the basic plot of this movie ... otherwise this article won't make much sense. I was delighted to see Sarah Swong publish her article about Magic Mike here on PolicyMic. She discusses a lot of important sociological implications that surface in the film, primarily the psychological differences between male and female objectification. I’m glad she wrote it for two reasons. First, she is totally, like, way smarter than me, so she did a better job than I ever could. Second, I’d rather talk about how Channing Tatum getting naked on screen is a big win for the meat-headed men of America.

For centuries—nay, millennia—the male species has primarily based our gender-roles marketing on provisionary benefits; for example, being strong enough to club baby seals for dinner, or being employed enough to buy Honda Pilots for transport. Frankly, it’s hard work and it’s hardly working. It turns out there are literally millions of people who are more capable of providing. If that isn't bad enough, now single women are making more money than men, meaning they can buy their own Honda Pilots (look at TIME, crushing an innuendo with that headline ... "At Last, Women on Top").

Magic Mike is showing up just in time for men to change our marketing campaign. Our endgame? To reverse the traditional gender roles. Men are now the sexual objects, oh my! That should be the hook, with the line and sinker being: men can be used, and men can be rescued. Picture this, men: you’re sitting at the bar in a sultry flannel shirt when a dirty blond minx with broad shoulders and a lusty gaze offers to buy you a drink. “Cranberry and bourbon,” you say, trying to stay disinterested. But you can’t. You’re a bad boy who makes bad decisions. 

13 months later, wedding bells.

Awesome, right? If that’s not every 26-year-old boy’s fantasy, then I’m Clark Gable. In fact, I’m pretty sure the Magic Mike pitch to Warner Bros was, “There’s this hooker with a heart of gold. And he’s a dude. And he’s Channing Tatum.” Men, this couldn’t get any better. Sure, we’re probably six years away from the “house husband” expectation becoming a reality, but once it does, we get all the benefits. As long as we put out, agree with our woman’s opinions, and stir some Hamburger Helper together four times a week, then we’re good. If that fantasy goes to hell, then let's take our half and move on. And for the purpose of covering everything, I’m sure science will figure out a way for us to get pregnant; it worked in Junior.

Magic Mike is a great first step to completely switching the gender roles. Maybe I’ll be pining for a masculinist movement in 25 years, but for now, I’m just looking forward to getting a Honda Pilot.