The Truth About New Year's Eve, As Explained by a Charming Australian Financial Guru

Alan Kohler is an Australian financial guru and national treasure. He's also the best person to deliver the hard truth about New Year's Eve: That it's going to be a total clusterfuck.

During the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's New Year's Eve special, the endlessly charming Kohler presented his "Chunder Bell-Curve" (chunder is Australian slang for vomit), forecasting "a little light barfing early in the evening; mainly kids and leftover mince pies" before reminding us that the evening, as it does every year, will likely end in gastrointestinal disaster. 

"Let's be honest: Whenever Alan Kohler stands in front of an important-looking graph on the telly, most of us are cowed into a state of mute incomprehension," quipped the Sydney Morning Herald's Michael Lallo. "Last night, however, the finance expert offered a series of predictions we can all understand."