Kristen Schaal Is Fighting for Men's Freedom, One Repressed Ball Sack at a Time

Kristen Schaal Is Fighting for Men's Freedom, One Repressed Ball Sack at a Time

Liberty or deathThe Daily Show's Kristen Schaal knows that the need, nay the right, to manspread is tantamount to living the American dream: "As a woman who has struggled her entire life to keep her knees together, I am your ally."

In a segment from last night's episode, Schaal addresses the culture war against every man's right to spread their legs on the subway. Unrelenting feminazis and public transit officials, Schaal knows, have nothing on the rights of men's "sugarballs" and their need to breathe, which is why she stands for manspreaders.

Speaking directly to Stewart's balls, which have been "brainwashed by this feminized world," Schaal delivered a mock apology for the terrible plight of men's "poor caged balls." 

"Awww, Jon, your balls are crying," Schaal worries. In the brilliant piece of satire, Schaal uncovers the petulance of manspreaders who cry wolf.

Source: YouTube


Manspreading is a sign of men's virility: Schaal notes that men seem to spread out of a Darwinian need for power and attraction. "Occupying all the territory you can is sexy," she contends. "When I'm on a subway car with all those men taking charge of the seats around them, I get so weak in the knees I can barely stand. But I have to." 

The backlash from women? Purely sexual, Schaal jokes. Women get so hot and bothered when men take up a handful of seats on a subway because they are so turned on by the largess of men's ball sacks, not out of annoyance at their need to occupy every square foot of space in the world.

In that regard, Schaal knows what men want. She suggests: "Show [women] what you're fighting for. ... Don't be so uptight, sugarballs, give us a little peak, a little ball cleavage."

"United we sit"? No, not really.