Obamacare Taxes Babies and Kittens, Mitt Romney and Fox News Told Me So
The National Association of Feline Activists - or NAOFA - has released a stunning report. "Obamacare," also known as the Affordable Care Act is devastating for catkind.
Everything down to the wetness in the kitty litter will now be taxed. Government death panels will now decide which kitties live and which ones DIE!
Dick Cheney will even come to your house and torture your tabby. Think your tabby has too many toenails? So does Dick. And even with his new heart he'll be by your side serving the government's wishes, torturing the crap out of you.
NAOFA recruits, are you ready for the challenge of a lifetime? You've got to warn Americans in a fair and balanced way. We need you.
Yes. Cheney frightens even me, but that's why Democrats hired him as part of the ACA. Just like they hired Romney's team to write the whole thing. LOOK OUT, FLUFFY!
The Chinese will paradrop onto the roof of your car (next to your dog), or ambulance - ride to the hospital with you - and the Communists will grab your wallet before you even get to the door. Somebody is going to take all your money! (We'll layoff the police to make sure it happens.)
Before receiving surgery you have to wear a shirt with the Communist flag on it and sing the Chinese National Anthem in Mandarin Chinese while pretending that the General Tso's chicken that likely got you into the hospital has anything to do with real Chinese food.
When you climb into the hospital bed, the Socialists will already be under your sheets ready for you. You'll share a bed with three people who all like to smoke. They will all share the same cigarette because they are Socialists. Everyone is going to share a giant pitcher of Kool Aid with the nurse Jim Jones - and after you drink enough - the crazy Kool Aid dude will actually fly through the wall.
To cut down on medical expenses a team of oompa loompas will be hired round the clock to repair the walls and give you a purple nurple.
Gosh ... even now I can tell that Obama has been drinking the Kool Aid. Just look at him!
I hear that guy eats small businesses with his frosted flakes along with an entire stick of fried butter NO WAIT! That's this guy! Rick - buddy! I bet he's got an awesome health plan!
You have to if you are gonna eat that crap.
There are 5.5 million uninsured in Texas - 24.6% of the population. Judging by his eating habits and health care plan... I think he and Republicans know what is best for America. They've got credibility in my book!
I mean, hell. Look they've got twice the uninsured in Republican states. We need to listen to them. They have all the credibility. They clearly have all the solutions to this problem.
The costs are climbing every day. Wait ... now its $3 billion an hour. No, it's $100 billion an hour... no it's just gosh 50 trillion a year. The entire global economy will be overrun by the cost of the cost cutting measures of the ACA. I mean within six months we'll be lucky if America is even recognizable.
I can see the exploding costs now.
Hell ... it's going to cost us everything and we won't even get health for it. Vampires will drain our blood and make platelet poptarts in a petri dish before we get healthy.
Just paying to import the oompa loompas is going to be a real headache. When they get tired a new government oompa loompa exchange will collude with the oompa trafficking smugglers and double the price - right when you get to the hospital.
You have been fooled ... it is worse than anything you've ever heard!
And not to mention the BABIES! Don't have a baby in America ever again. The ACA has 17 pages on how it wants to eat your babies and vomit them as giraffes. I know it doesn't sound plausible that a reasonable president with America's best interest in mind would write such a thing - and hundreds of Congressmen and women would pass such a thing. Nancy Pelosi herself is a Grandmother and she wants to eat your babies just to find out what's in there, but trust me ... I have never read the law - BUT! I know what's in there - Fox news told me so.
Forget this everyone. The Affordable Care Act was passed in 2010 and already the undead have risen. Zombies are freakin' banging on my door and I can't sleep. I mean ... Michael Jackson is back and he's re-producing Thriller!
It is literally the apocalypse right now. I smell it! Or, I should take a shower ... whatever.
Maybe, we should all go really nuts any time someone works on health care. That way everyone will want to fix Medicare and work on lowering costs. Maybe, we should just make up a ton of crap to end someone's political career so that he is the last person that will ever try to fix health care.
Heck we should be more scared of the ACA than the last decade - the 2000's - when health care costs skyrocketed 131%!!! Health care is already 19% of the economy. We should get so scared that we can't do anything about it.
Getting people covered and costs under control with the ACA is worth risking a political career over.
(If one is as brave against the zombies as OBAMA!)
Why couldn't they just write a law that covers 30 million people, protects Americans from the worst abuses of the insurance companies, and brings down costs through free-market competition? (Oh wait ... they did.)
Instead ... all the oompa loompas, freakin' giraffes everywhere, and the most scary thing -
DICK CHENEY IS BACK! And he wants to take care of your children. RUN!
Schwew.
Damn it. The phone just rang... it's NAOFA. They want my cat to sign the next petition against the ACA for it's special tax on Meow Mix producers. Something about... clawbacks. I didn't see that anywhere on healthcare.gov, but Fox News and Romney assures me! Wait... are they trying to out Fox me?
Wait AGAIN! I'm still trying to figure out how to re-peel a banana so I don't get the vitamins in me. The doorbell rang. It is a representative from BURBLE. Babies Urging Regurgitation Before Losing Everything. They are here to warn me and my baby. The ACA is going to pack my house up in a box and give it to the Mexicans.
Remember Obamacare taxes everything down to babies and kittens. It passed two years ago and already the apocalypse has never happened - but it will! It already creates tremendous uncertainty (about made up crap that doesn't exist). Romney and FOX NEWS told me so!
