Women, Here's What Men Really Think About Your Vibrator

If you've ever used a vibrator in the bedroom, you know that introducing your partner to your trusted Hitachi Magic Wand can be just as awkward and jealousy-inducing as introducing them to an ex. But new research indicates that cultural attitudes toward couples' vibrator use might be changing.

A study from the University of Guelph, Ontario, recently surveyed 49 men, between the ages of 25 and 58, in heterosexual relationships, to determine their attitudes about using vibrators with their partners. Contrary to popular belief, most men weren't hesitant about using sex toys, nor did they feel "intimidated" or "threatened" by their partner introducing a mechanical third party into the bedroom. 

In fact, they were totally into it.

"Our study emphasizes that, in contrast to vibrators being 'threatening,' when used in couple relationships, men actually found sex more appealing because of the sexual aid," Erin Watson, who co-authored the study, told Mic. In fact, "many men even reported an increase in sexual intimacy between them and their partners" as a result of using a vibrator during sex.

Closing the orgasm gap: There's been much written about the rise of sex toys in mainstream culture, with CVS selling Rabbits and Jennifer Lawrence bragging about her butt plug collection. But using a vibrator has still typically been viewed as a solo activity.

Research shows, however, that an increasing number of couples are incorporating toys into their sex lives, with 53% of women and nearly 50% of men reportedly using a vibrator during sex, according to a University of Indiana study. 

A survey of 250 women conducted by the sex toy company Dame, which makes the couples' vibrator Eva, also found that couples are slowly but surely using vibrators together. According to the results, which Dame shared with Mic, 27% of women reported using a sex toy with a partner "once or twice a month," and 19% reported "once or twice a week."

Still, introducing a sex toy into your sexual routine can elicit certain anxieties and insecurities. "My hubs was a little apprehensive about [using] any toy," one woman in the Dame survey reported. "His comments were 'If it isn't broke, don't try to fix it' and 'It's not going to replace me, is it?'"

But if you're one of the roughly 20% of women who rarely have orgasms during intercourse, there are some obvious advantages to using a vibrator during sex. For starters, it can help provide the necessary clitoral stimulation that most women need to reach orgasm, not to mention help you reach orgasm faster — a huge plus, considering that it typically takes women much longer to climax than their male partners.

"Men are still wired like cavemen, and it takes women an average of 20 minutes before she can climax," one 37-year-old woman who regularly uses a Jimmyjane rabbit vibrator with her husband, told Mic. "I don't see how a woman could be satisfied and stay in a long-term partnership without a vibrator."

Upping everyone's pleasure, not just hers: It's not only advantageous for the woman. In the University of Guelph study, male partners reported increased pleasure of their own.

The couples in the study were asked to use the We-Vibe, a vibrator inserted into the vagina that stimulates the wearer's clitoris while simultaneously delivering vibrations that stimulate the male partner's penis. Not only did the men report that using the toy led to an "increase in sexual stimulation/sensations" for both parties; it also led to an "increase in intimacy between them and their partner," in that the toy allowed both partners to experience simultaneous orgasms and look into each other's eyes while they reached climax.

Watson says the results of the study don't only indicate that men are receptive to using sex toys in the bedroom. They also "provide a counter-argument" for the idea that "men are sexually 'selfish' and only care about their own pleasure."

"My husband never feels threatened [by my using a vibrator]. He thinks it's hot watching me get off," the married woman with the Jimmyjane rabbit vibrator said. "We both win and go to sleep happy."

Alex*, a 28-year-old male in a four-month relationship, echoed that sentiment. "I see no issue with increasing [her] pleasure with items that are physically not me," he told Mic. "And if there was something that would increase my pleasure, of course I would want it! Is it any different than lube?"

Not one-size-fits-all: It's worth noting that not everyone enjoys the same things in the bedroom, and one couple's nonstop orgasm machine could be another couple's logistical nightmare.

"My partner and I have used a vibrator. I had high hopes, but it actually wasn't so great," one woman who did not specify her age told Mic. "[It] felt like my male partner couldn't guide the toy at all because he couldn't feel anything. Like, my leg felt the same to him as my vagina. So we are game to try again (and definitely will), but it was definitely harder than I thought."

There's also a bit of truth to the concern that excessive vibrator use can make it harder to reach orgasm, albeit for only a brief period of time, as one study showed. 

But you won't know until you try. If you're a dude in a relationship and your girlfriend wants to introduce you to her Rabbit, don't get freaked out. It might be big and loud, and it may make her eyes roll into the back of her head in a way your dick never will. But that's a bit of the point: If the studies are any indication, her getting off will make you — and her — feel great.

Plus, it's never going to be a substitute for having great sex with you. Think of it not as a replacement, but as a supplement to your already-awesome sex life.

"It was great fun and a great addition and probably sped up the orgasm process, but it definitely did not feel necessary," a 31-year-old man told Mic. "We could have just as good a time without it."

*Name has been been changed to allow subject to speak freely on private matters.