Stephen Colbert Hilariously Explains Why Women Should Run the World in 'Glamour' Op-Ed

Stephen Colbert Hilariously Explains Why Women Should Run the World in 'Glamour' Op-Ed
Source: AP
Source: AP

Who runs the world? If Stephen Colbert could have his way: women ... while men continue to argue over the nonsensical debates that often occur in male-driven industries, such as politics, entrepreneurship and campfire building. 

In an op-ed for Glamour magazine, the future Late Show host took a moment to tribute the women in his life:

"I love women. I'm married to one, I was birthed by one, and I played one in my high school production of Romeo and Juliet. No one else could fit into the bodice."

As is his way, Colbert uses the piece to push for equal rights and treatment of women in the workplace and the media, all while mixing in a healthy dose of hilarious jokes: 

To be honest, sometimes I wonder whether the world would be a better place if women were in charge. It would be pretty easy to make that happen. Simply tell the men of the world that you're trying to start a campfire. While we're all arguing with one another about proper kindling placement and whether using lighter fluid is cheating, women can just quietly start getting stuff done.

Colbert does raise some important points about how we as a society treat women and speak about their accomplishments, as well as what exactly we can do to better ourselves.

Source: Mic/AP

The comic then makes a good old-fashioned jab at the publications responsible for reducing women's self-esteem through unrealistic perceptions of body image and listicles like "20 Hot Actresses Without Makeup! (#5 Will Make You Question God!)."

Explaining why he so avidly supports feminism, Colbert describes himself as a cross between Channing Tatum and Winnie The Pooh, while also sliding in a few more important about feminism:

I love all the things women love: Exfoliating microbeads, period costume dramas, Joe Manganiello's second row of abs, pay commensurate with my skill set, York peppermint patties, Legolas, the respect of my colleagues, and being warm ... I have womanly hips — soft and grabbable, and they really fill out my low-rise Levi's. I've got muffin top for days.

Source: Mic/AP

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert premieres Sept. 8 at 11:35 p.m. on CBS. In the meantime, you can read Colbert's thoughts on why women should truly run the entire world here

How much do you trust the information in this article?

Chris Riotta

Chris Riotta is a culture reporter at Mic, covering news, music and entertainment. He is based in New York and can be reached at criotta@mic.com

MORE FROM

‘Game of Thrones’ Season 7, Episode 2 Trailer: New alliances may form in “Stormborn”

Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen may have an unexpected intermediary.

Tyler, the Creator is a “walking paradox” on the rumor-baiting ‘Flower Boy’

Is he queer? Maybe. Does he know how to use the speculation to further his art? Definitely.

Note to Ryan Murphy: ‘American Horror Story’ reveals don’t need to be a scavenger hunt

The title and premiere date of the seventh season of 'American Horror Story' were revealed Thursday.

‘Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later’ proves sometimes it’s OK to skip the reunion

If you're looking to trim down your Netflix consumption, start by avoiding this pointless sequel series.

Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington was open about his pain. That doesn’t make his death less shocking.

“If it wasn’t for music, I’d be dead,” Bennington once said. “One hundred percent.”

Please stop hating on ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

Christopher Nolan's final Batman film is simply not as bad as some fans think.

‘Game of Thrones’ Season 7, Episode 2 Trailer: New alliances may form in “Stormborn”

Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen may have an unexpected intermediary.

Tyler, the Creator is a “walking paradox” on the rumor-baiting ‘Flower Boy’

Is he queer? Maybe. Does he know how to use the speculation to further his art? Definitely.

Note to Ryan Murphy: ‘American Horror Story’ reveals don’t need to be a scavenger hunt

The title and premiere date of the seventh season of 'American Horror Story' were revealed Thursday.

‘Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later’ proves sometimes it’s OK to skip the reunion

If you're looking to trim down your Netflix consumption, start by avoiding this pointless sequel series.

Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington was open about his pain. That doesn’t make his death less shocking.

“If it wasn’t for music, I’d be dead,” Bennington once said. “One hundred percent.”

Please stop hating on ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

Christopher Nolan's final Batman film is simply not as bad as some fans think.