If Fashion Designers Made What Women Really Wanted, This Is What They Would Sell Us

If Fashion Designers Made What Women Really Wanted, This Is What They Would Sell Us

"Pockets deeper than the abyss." 

That would be a great tagline for a dress, no? But it's an unlikely one. The fashion industry is more intent on vague promises of glamour through glossy ads and perplexing fashion shows with no real-life function. (Did you see the human backpacks?)

Women are sold clothes that are great for pondering the meaning of life in the glare of Mario Testino's camera but fall short when it comes to weathering Chipotle food babies, sweaty dashes for the bus and long (itchy) days at the office. For women who need to eat, work, exercise and date in the clothes the industry produces, fashion often fails to deliver. 

"Honestly, I really don't think that designers consider these needs when they design clothing," style expert and author Bridgette Raes told Mic. "[They] often see this as an affront to their creativity."

And so, in the service of designers too lost in a world of furry loafers and bedazzled selfie sticks to know what women want, we polled Mic readers on Tumblr and let our imaginations run wild in order to dish up some down-to-earth wisdom to those at the top of the fashion food chain.

If the fashion industry really made clothing that women wanted, here's what they'd be selling:

If  designers can make pockets that actually function for men, why do they insist on decorating women's jeans, jackets and skirts with faux pockets that won't hold more than a ball of lint? Enough, please, with what Tumblr user abowlofbranflakes calls "pockets full of lies." Here's what women want:

"Please for the love of all things holy, give me pockets deep enough to hold all of the tears that I will cry in happiness at finally being able to leave my home with all of my necessities without needing a bag." — Tumblr user estathom

"Pockets would be endless, much like Mary Poppins' tote." — Tumblr user polishingmirrors

"If a line of clothing promised me I would always have pockets big enough to hold my wallet and keys, I would never buy clothing anywhere else for the rest of my life." — Tumblr user down-sizing

"The pockets in these jeans can hold more than two nickels!" — Tumblr user theredhistorian

"Everything would have pockets, even better, Mary Poppins/Hermione's bag pockets. But really, I don't care if my phone makes it look like I have giant hips, I just want it to fit in my pocket." — Tumblr user magicwouldsolvetheenergycrisis

"Pockets deeper than the abyss." —  Tumblr user youmightbeamisogynist

Thanks to periods, burritos and good old water retention, it's not unusual for a favorite pair of jeans to transform into an instrument of torture overnight. No woman's waist — not to mention chest — remains a static size. Here's what women want:

"They would be high enough to hold in my belly whenever I'm bloated from my period. Whenever I'm bloated I wear bigger clothes, but I always have to pull them up because they don't fit my legs/hips/waist." — Tumblr user tmetnosce

"Bras that automatically adjust to whatever the hell your body's doing. Shark Week? Bigger cup size for a while. Bloated? The band expands!" — Tumblr user sliverofjade

"The responsive waistband ... I bloat easily." — Tumblr user shannern

How many times have we bought white shirts only to discover that the store's interpretation of white is a lot closer to what we'd call see-through? Are retailers deliberately making us spend more on camisoles or bralettes? We sense a conspiracy. Here's what women want:

"White need not be transparent! It CAN be white! I've seen men's shirts that are white." — Tumblr user windyleaf

"[Clothes] should not be sheer to have to buy another layer to wear otherwise people will see (gasp) a bra." — Tumblr user queen-of-the-fallen-ash 

"No more see through tops that require layers underneath. If I'm buying a sweater, it needs to be solid." — Tumblr user mousey-kireena

"Opaque white shirts, for god's sake." — Tumblr user redrummermaid

"No see through skimpy things that barely qualify as clothes. Like, why make me buy a shirt to go under a see-through shirt?" — Tumblr user imusthastea

We get it, fashion. Crop tops are cool and edgy and fun. But sometimes, we just need a shirt that serves its main objective. Is that so much to ask for? Here's what women want:

"Shirts long enough to bend over in without getting a draft down your butt crack." — Tumblr user youmightbeamisogynist

"I just want basic $5 scoop necks, [and] v-necks that are NOT crop tops... it's 46 degrees outside, I don't have time for this nonsense." — Tumblr user sin-documentos

"The perfect shirts for me are long enough to cover my hips and even my butt. Contrary to what retailers seem to think, I don't need constant easy access to my belly button, and I don't want it on display either!" — Tumblr user ohheysarahc

We might have gone crazy for athleisure, but designers could have missed out on creating a whole new category of gym-meets-streetwear. Seriously, how can we live in a world where jeggings, bikini jeans and denim sandal boots exist and still no one's come up with Pilates-ready jeans? Here's what women want:

 "Jeans I can work out in, so I don't have to change when I take walks." — Tumblr user shannern

"I need comfortable jeans. Not boot-leg, not straight-leg, not bell-bottoms, but just, like, jeans that are comfortable. And no freaking rips or holes in them." — Tumblr user likeohmygodseriously

How it is possible that we put a man on the moon more than half a century ago, but we can't combine the technology of antiperspirant with our clothes? Here's what women want:

"Moisture-wicking in shirts (armpits and underboob)." — Tumblr user b-ehr

"Jumpers that somehow let you get air to your underarms without having to be removed (and making the rest of you cold)." — Tumblr user as-thin-as-fuck

"I've been dreaming of a Marty McFly-style self-drying jacket since I was 10." — Tumblr user izetblue

"I would need something really breathable, because no matter how much deodorant I wear, I always sweat. It's a little embarrassing, and it's hard to find clothes I can wear that still look nice on me." — Tumblr user i-ate-the-whole-entire-pie

In the summer, designers offer clothes that look cute and keep us cool. In the winter, they give us clothes that might look good, but fail to keep us the slightest bit warm and covered. Here's what women want:

"Jackets thick enough to keep you warm instead of just looking cute." — Tumblr user b-ehr

"They would actually be warm while being affordable on women's already cut income." — Tumblr user queen-of-the-fallen-ash

Inconsistent sizing across stores makes shopping for clothes frustrating, confusing and sometimes depressing, even if so-called "vanity sizing" is supposed to make us feel better. Here's what women want:

"Sizing based on actual measurements (like men's shirt sizing)." — Tumblr user down-sizing

"This blouse will fit you in the shoulders, arms, bust, waist and hips all at the same time and look super cute and/or professional whenever you need it to. It will absolutely not make you feel like a gorilla trying to wear human clothes." — Tumblr user furikomaru

"These pants will hug your butt just as much as they embrace your small waist, and they are [not] yoga pants!" — Tumblr user maja-ela 

"Jackets actually made for curvy girls, such as being big enough to close properly over my boobs and yet still give me a shape. The dream!" — Tumblr user mcroce

"Consistent pant sizing would be amazing." — Tumblr user viitsima

"Clothes that are made for various shaped bodies. My shape is fixed & not the thing that's 'wrong.'" — Tumblr user yourenotaloneinthis

Thanks, Tumblr user canadian-snow-queen. Need we say more?