SPANKS-giving has finally come to a close, and just in time for DICKcember. Oh, you haven't heard? Welcome to the new generation of insidious chain texts.
Teens have resurrected the chain email — the kind you'd get from superstitious aunts telling you to immediately forward it along to 10 other people or suffer bad luck or a broken back or death or some other asinine threat. Only this time, they pop up in your texting inbox or group chat with close friends, filled with emojis and incredibly raunchy.
There are a few common tropes: They're riddled with alternating-case text, chock full of droplets and moaning faces, and they end with a call to action to share them out to friends at superstitious risk of cosmic abstinence.
Many of them are pegged to a holiday or event in the past few months of COCKtober, HOEvember and, most recently, DICKcember. There's Friday the 13th, Black Friday, SPANKS-giving — any occasion to remind your friends that you're thinking of them. There are chain texts for Veterans Day...
...an alien invasion...
...or just when you need to get some homework done:
Many of the chain texts have their vocabulary rooted in a particular kink — the "daddy dom" roleplay community on Tumblr. If you're looking to go on an initiation spiral through Urban Dictionary, start with "squishy" and "cummies."
Of course, teens of the world are largely over them at this point but now it's in the hands of us adults, mediaites and Weird Twitter:
Now go forth and share this article with 10 of your closest friends, or you'll have bad luck until DICKcember is done!