Online dating has leveled the world of romance, making it easier than ever to connect with potential love interests. What it has failed to do, however, is produce any quality pickup lines. Anyone who's swiped through Tinder, OkCupid, Grindr or Her understands the struggle of finding true love in the digital age.
Some dating app users are simply looking for a hookup, while others are more interested in long-term commitment. Regardless, the icebreakers matter. Some love-seekers prefer slinging around puns, which at least show more effort than a throwaway pickup line.
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The only way millennials can begin finding their soul mates is if we collectively decide to reject some of the corniest, wackiest and most absurd pickup lines.
Here are some of the worst pickup lines we found online for your entertainment/horror:
1. "Are you the SAT? Cause I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10-minute break in the middle for snacks."
Not only does this sound displeasing, but the SATs are also incredibly boring — it may not be the best idea to compare your sex game to a standardized test.
2. "Damn your teeth are brighter than my future! ...Unless you're in it."
3. "Caucus and chill?"
Watching senators, governors and billionaires duke it out for the White House is not how anyone is hoping to spend their Friday date night.
4. "You should definitely have an Instagram, you'd get a million likes."
There is zero chance you will be given an Instagram handle after deploying a pickup line like this. Besides, the only number of likes anyone needs to receive on an Instagram pic to be truly happy is 11.
5. "Want to be the next five years of my life?"
Asking someone to commit for five years before actually meeting them is incredibly creepy. And oddly specific.
6. "Share your location with me."
Talk about getting straight to the point. Unfortunately, most people will likely find this disturbing rather than forward.
7. Please don't try acting like you don't understand common internet slang in order to get a date.
Sure, you might receive an initial response. Guaranteed that will be the end of the interaction, however.
8. "Are you sure you didn't work out? Because you've been running through my mind all day."
Your claim of being "da smoothiest" is very debatable, Jazzy.
9. "Got any dank memes?"
Your infatuation with viral memes is fascinating, but save it for Reddit.
10. "Do you have health insurance? Because you're going to get sick of me!"
One word: Blocked.
If you are interested in whipping out a pickup line, however, this is the only one you'll need: