I Wouldn’t Wish Kim Kardashian West's Beauty Secrets on My Worst Enemy

Being Kim Kardashian West is a hard job, that's for sure. Not only is she an entrepreneur, the star of her own reality series and a wife and mother, she's also arguably the biggest celebrity in the world right now, and despite what it may seem, that's no easy title to bear.

Since spring 2012, when she first began dating her now-husband, Kanye West, Kim has been known as a trendsetter and beauty maven. It's fair to say many of us are fascinated  — and yes, sometimes appalled — at the lengths she'll go in order to look like, well, like Kim Kardashian West.

It makes sense, considering her entire brand is based on being beautiful. She's turned physical perfection into a viable business model and changed society's ideas of beauty and desirability — no small feat, but one she's worked hard to accomplish. But all that said, I wouldn't wish her exhaustive beauty secrets on my worst enemy. But you can decide for yourself, as we run through all of Kim's many regimens.

Bras won't cut it — use gaffer's tape.

Kim admitted last week to using gaffer's tape in order to give her breasts more lift and shape. It works, sure, but it's admittedly incredibly painful and will likely rip your skin off — but they say "no pain, no gain," right?

Two pairs of Spanx are better than one.

And while it may seem as though Kardashian West's body is perfect as is, she remains unconvinced. In fact, she's admitted that she wears not one, but two pairs of Spanx in order to hold everything in place and provide the desired effects when she wears figure-hugging clothes. She recently copped to the fact that sometimes her clothes are so tight and uncomfortable that she's forced to unbutton her jeans in order to "feel normal."

Contour like crazy, even down to your cleavage.

We all know that Kim is a huge fan of contouring — even 2-year-old daughter North West is a fan. In fact, she even has a makeup artist just to make her boobs look good (now that's commitment). In addition, she loads up on bronzers and highlighters to create a glowing, sun-kissed look, a time-consuming process that admittedly can transform pretty much anyone from drab to glam.

Triple line your eyes, quintuple color your lips.

The amount of products that go into creating Kim's look isn't short, either: false eyelashes, layered mascara, loads of eyeliner (she apparently triple lines), a blend of five different Tom Ford lipsticks... the list goes on and on. She admits to spending roughly four hours in the makeup chair on a daily basis, likely more if she's going to a special event. That's half a work day!

Drop a couple grand a month for clear skin.

To keep the skin beneath all that makeup flawless, Kardashian West has a lengthy (and rather expensive) at-home skin routine. Additionally, she goes for regular facials with her dermatologist, Harold Lancer. She undergoes two $500 glycolic peels a week, and makes $2,500 bi-monthly visits to Bailey's Spa in Beverly Hills, as well. As for that crazy bronzed body? "Tanning is everything," she herself will tell you, adding that she regularly uses tanning beds in order to get the glow, and look "so much skinnier."

Wash your hair no more than once a week.

Kim changes her hair pretty regularly, going from dark brown to bleach blonde in the blink of an eye. The biggest secret here is how often she washes her hair — or really, how often she doesn't. Kim only shampoos her locks every five days, which might sound gross, but actually works for her, and says she plans her hairstyles around her washing schedule.

Load up on expensive vitamins made just for your hair.

She also swears by (and is the spokesperson for) Hairfinity, a haircare vitamin that includes blends of Vitamins A, C, and D, amino acids and silica, which are supposed to help your hair grow stronger and more quickly. Does it work? You be the judge.

Eat "fish and vegetables, or chicken and vegetables, something like that."

Kardashian West has admitted that her penchant for junk food sometimes gets the best of her. Lucky for her, she and Kanye West have a nutritionist on call. She generally has either scrambled eggs or a protein shake for breakfast, and then "fish and vegetables, or chicken and vegetables, something like that" for both lunch and dinner.

Drop two pounds a week.

When in weight loss mode, she aims to drop two pounds a week, the maximum suggested for healthy and sustained loss. In order to do that, she also hits her workouts hard, teaming up with her personal trainer, Gunnar Peterson, for intense targeted cardio and strength sessions. According to Peterson, he pushes Kim to complete exercises including "squats, lunges, sleds, and deadlifts" — and that's in addition to her high impact aerobic exercises like running to get her metabolism up and calories burned. I'm tired just from reading about it.

It clearly takes an army to help Kim, from the breast taping to the contouring to the personal training. And while nobody makes it look as good as she does, we'll gladly stick to our DIY approach, leaving "tricks" like blood facials to Kim herself.