Nick Offerman's Shower Thoughts Are Everything

We've all experienced it.

Those moments of complete and utter brilliance. In the shower. Surrounded by a cloud of steam, subsumed in thoughts about the meaning of life and the inevitability of death.

If you're Anna Kendrick, you've wondered if your clothing ever gets sad.

If you're Reddit user sheeepeople, you've questioned whether it's dangerous to buy soda right after an earthquake.

If you're Nick Offerman — comedian, actor and star of Parks and Recreation — you've thought about nearly everything, including the true nature of beef jerky and whether we really have to be nice to babies.

Here are a few highlights from the dark shower mind of Nick Offerman:

Are all restaurants the same? 

Chairs and hats are actually similar ...

What is prostitution, actually?

Chips have a different meaning to orphans. 

Beef jerky = raisins? 

Imagine if Jedi Knights had iPhones ...

Babies are people. They shouldn't eat candy.

Remember those school notebooks with the lines?

There are much better ways to say 'penis.'

Candy is fun.

h/t Mashable