People have many thoughts about how long a dude should be able to last in the bedroom. Some women are like, "I think my boyfriend comes too soon." Others are like, "My guy takes forever, and frankly, I just want it to be over." Hip-hop legend Missy Elliott is like, "I don't want no one-minute man."
But how long is normal, actually?
What an excellent question! Glad you asked.
In a new article published in the Conversation, University of Queensland research fellow Brendan Zietsch explores the subject at length (!) from an evolutionary biology perspective. In the process, he digs up a 2005 study that provides quite a few clues as to how long the average peen can stay inside a lady garden.
For the study, researchers studied the sex lives of 500 heterosexual couples from the United States and Europe. (They were going to toss in some nonhetero couples in there, but fun fact: Gay men didn't actually have sex in 2005. It's true.)
The couples were instructed to start a stopwatch literally at the moment the car entered the garage, and to stop the clock immediately after the man's penis ejaculated inside the woman's vagina. (The female orgasm was ignored entirely, because of course it was.)
The results were all over the damn place.
The biggest Quick Draw McGraw in the study lasted 33 seconds, while the longest-lasting made it for an entire 44 minutes (which happens to be around the amount of time it would take to watch a commercial-free episode of The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story). Everyone else fell somewhere in between, as the median clocked in at 5.4 minutes.
According to past research, people at just above the median might have an advantage. A study from 2008 found that "the best sexual encounters last between 7 and 13 minutes."
But you know what? That study's actually kinda mean. The "best" sex? How would 33-second guy (or 44-minute guy, for that matter) feel if he knew researchers were out there talking shit about his skills in the bedroom? Probably not great.
Ultimately, there really is no gold standard for how long someone is "supposed" to last in bed. After all, one woman's one-minute man might very well be another woman's Energizer Bunny. Also, who wants to bone for an entire 44 minutes? Ain't nobody got time for that.
New sex rule: Ban stopwatches.