When many people think of domestic violence, they likely picture something not unlike Rihanna's bruised and battered face at the hands of then-boyfriend Chris Brown in 2009. However, physical violence is not the only way domestic violence exists.
On Monday, Twitter users reminded everyone about the nonphysical forms abuse of relationship abuse can take with the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou, which started with a string of tweets from writer Zahira Kelly, who uses the handle @bad_dominicana, last week:
Read more: People Who Commit Domestic Violence Have Different Brain Activity Than Other Criminals
maybe he doesnt hit u. he just comes home angry at the world& broke& starts putting u down for being a useless parasite whos why hes broke.
maybe he doesnt hit u. he just complains about your belly after u had his kids. & tells u to get skinny before he gets a cuter 15 yr old
maybe he doesnt hit u. he just has a raging fit if youre wearing shoes, skirt, a chain, or handbag he dont like.
In sharing her own experience, Kelly quickly found she wasn't alone:
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he knew what to say to keep you going back to him after he emotionally devastated you.
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he makes you feel bad about advancing in your life/studies/career because you didn't think of him first
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he says it's "such a shame you're disabled" yet "you're so lucky I still choose to be w/ you when others wouldn't"
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he promised to kill others and then himself if you didn't comply with the "sexual favors" he "asked" of you
According to domestic violence nonprofit Safe Horizons, domestic violence includes five categories of abuse — physical, sexual, economic, emotional and psychological — and encapsulates any "pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence."
About 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men are victims of what the National Domestic Violence Hotline calls "severe" physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. Domestic violence affects all genders and happens in same-gender and opposite-gender relationships alike.
While studies have shown people who perpetrate domestic violence have different brain functioning than other criminals, relationship abuse typically arises from social forces as well. StopRelationshipAbuse.org cites toxic masculinity, media's glorification of violence, rape culture and society's insistence on rigid gender roles as contributing factors.
According to the site, warning signs of abuse include a partner preventing you from seeing your friends and family, or humiliating you in front of them:
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he makes sure you know the friends he never wants you to see don't actually like you
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he's rude to your friends and family and he ridicules you in front of his.
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he actively shares intimate details of your sex life with friends/family meant to embarrass you.
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he constantly tries to convince you that you have no friends & you'd have nowhere to go if you left him
Your partner might make it a point to knock down your self-worth:
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he said that staying committed to you was boring.
maybehedoesnthityou but tells you "I'll break up with you if you cut your hair" because he thinks women with short hair look "too butch"
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but he makes you feel bad, embarrassed, or childish for caring about things you love
Or leave you worrying about if — or when — the abuse will become physical:
MaybeHeDoesntHitYou but you lose sleep over when he will.
Or #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou yet.https://twitter.com/meggophone/status/729692117551992833 ...
StopRelationshipAbuse.org emphasizes that abuse is never the fault of the victim. "No matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner's abusive actions," the site says. "Dating abuse is not caused by alcohol or drugs, stress, anger management, or provocation. It is always a choice to be abusive."
May 9, 2016, 4:03 p.m.: This story has been updated.
