The 2012 MTV Video Music Awards have come and gone, and quite frankly they were a bit of a snooze. For an awards show that has built it's reputation on its shock valure, there were no wardrobe malfunctions, no same-sex pop icons making out, and definitely no angry Kanye storming the stage (in fact there was no Kanye at all ... or Kim, or Jay, or Bey.) The most scandalous the evening offered were a few bleeped out words.
Kevin Hart, who was disappointingly un-funny, hosted the evening, and for all his talk about being bold and taking no prisoners, Hart was safe, a bit loud, and the most amusing part of his whole schtick were the jokes about his height. Hart standing next to Dwight Howard (Hart is 5'2" to Howard's 6' 11") received well-deserved laughs, but it was the physical humor that got the guffaws, not the writing.
Hart gave an opening monoloque about "mistakes." He referenced the mistakes Kristen Stewart made, the mistakes made by Drake and Chris Brown in their squabble, but the biggest mistake of the night was Hart's bizarre entrance which included Hart parading in to presidential tunes surrounded by a security detail of little people.
The musical leader of the evening was undoubtedly One Direction who came, saw, and conquered the hearts of about every teenage girl in the world. The British boy band went home with three awards and also delivered one of the most light-hearted and enjoyable performances of the evening.
And that's what this awards show should be; light-hearted fun. Apparently Frank Ocean didn't get the memo. Ocean gave a performance brimming with emotion, but from where I sat, not enough talent. He's a soulful dude, who has made big strides for the gay community this year, but his pseudo-campfire set and melodramatic performance did not live up to expectations.
The best performances of the evening were given by Rihanna, who opened the event, and Alicia Keys who reminded us all of her unbelievable talent when she debuted her new single, "Girl on Fire." I'm not sure we needed Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas doing back-flips during the performance, but at least they had a vision.
Rihanna, for her part, won the night's top honor for her video "We Found Love." She also looked pretty fabulous with a new pixie cut and backless white dress.
Also noteworthy in the fashion department were Miley Cyrus and Pink ... who looked exactly the same.
It was a tepid evening, with only the hint of memorable moments, and dare-I-say zero performances that will live in the VMA history books. No Britney's with snakes, just forced acrobatics by Pink and the hope that maybe next year will be more exciting.
Check out the full list of winners here.