We're All Masturbating to the Same Celebrities, Because Our Genitals Are Unimaginative

Source: Getty Images
Source: Getty Images

For better or worse, internet porn has never been more easily accessible. Yet new data indicates that not everyone chokes their chickens to Pornhub these days. Some folks out there are still using their imaginations and fantasizing about celebrities! Who knew? 

The sex toy company We-Vibe surveyed 1,032 Americans and found that 33% of men and 19% of women regularly jerk off to famous people. 

Source: Giphy

Female celebrities

1) Jennifer Lopez

Mariah Carey may not know Jennifer Lopez, but plenty of men in this survey do — she was ranked the No. 1 overall most-jerked-off-to celeb. 

2) Carrie Underwood 

Side note: Here's a clip from Underwood's 2012 Oprah's Next Chapter interview in which she discusses her strong Christian faith.

3) Jennifer Lawrence

Insert your own X-Men masturbation pun here. 

4) Jessica Alba 

She was named "Sexiest Woman in the World" by FHM back in 2007.

5) Emma Watson

More like Emma Wantsome-tissues-for-that-mess?

Male celebrities 

1) Channing Tatum 

Possibly the most predictable masturbation choice ever.

Source: Getty Images

2) Ryan Gosling

Wait, no. This is the most predictable masturbation choice ever.

Source: Getty Images

3) Adam Levine

Remember that time he posed naked with a hand covering his ding-dong?

4) Johnny Depp 

Kind of a quirky choice, actually! By this list's standards, at least.

Source: Getty Images

5) Justin Timberlake 

Even in spite of his very unsexy new music video.

Source: Robb Cohen/AP

So in conclusion, just because someone uses their imagination to masturbate, it doesn't mean they're necessarily all that imaginative. 

But here's a question to ponder: How the hell do these celebrities feel about having so many random strangers masturbating to them? Do their ears ring every time it happens? Do they feel disgusted? Flattered? Violated? Validated? Or just #blessed?

Source: Giphy

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

Nicolas DiDomizio

Nicolas DiDomizio is a Staff Connections Writer at Mic. Prior to Mic, he was at MTV for 3 years. He holds a masters from NYU and a bachelors from Western Connecticut State University. Contact him at nic@mic.com.

MORE FROM

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.