We're All Masturbating to the Same Celebrities, Because Our Genitals Are Unimaginative
For better or worse, internet porn has never been more easily accessible. Yet new data indicates that not everyone chokes their chickens to Pornhub these days. Some folks out there are still using their imaginations and fantasizing about celebrities! Who knew?
The sex toy company We-Vibe surveyed 1,032 Americans and found that 33% of men and 19% of women regularly jerk off to famous people.
Female celebrities
1) Jennifer Lopez
Mariah Carey may not know Jennifer Lopez, but plenty of men in this survey do — she was ranked the No. 1 overall most-jerked-off-to celeb.
2) Carrie Underwood
Side note: Here's a clip from Underwood's 2012 Oprah's Next Chapter interview in which she discusses her strong Christian faith.
3) Jennifer Lawrence
Insert your own X-Men masturbation pun here.
4) Jessica Alba
She was named "Sexiest Woman in the World" by FHM back in 2007.
5) Emma Watson
More like Emma Wantsome-tissues-for-that-mess?
Male celebrities
1) Channing Tatum
Possibly the most predictable masturbation choice ever.
2) Ryan Gosling
Wait, no. This is the most predictable masturbation choice ever.
3) Adam Levine
Remember that time he posed naked with a hand covering his ding-dong?
4) Johnny Depp
Kind of a quirky choice, actually! By this list's standards, at least.
5) Justin Timberlake
Even in spite of his very unsexy new music video.
So in conclusion, just because someone uses their imagination to masturbate, it doesn't mean they're necessarily all that imaginative.
But here's a question to ponder: How the hell do these celebrities feel about having so many random strangers masturbating to them? Do their ears ring every time it happens? Do they feel disgusted? Flattered? Violated? Validated? Or just #blessed?
