"There was no drama," People's anonymous insider said. "Things just don't work out sometimes. No one cheated."
This is, put simply, a boring and unsatisfactory explanation for the fall of the TS + AW empire. "Things just don't work out sometimes"? People are people and sometimes they change their minds? No. There has to be more of a story here than that.
The couple hasn't commented on the split themselves yet, so no one knows for sure what exactly happened. But after scouring Swift's Instagram for clues, Mic has uncovered a likely explanation.
Two words: "swan goals."
For the uninitiated, "swan goals" was the caption of an infamous photo that Swift posted on Instagram on June 10, 2015. The players: Swift and Harris. The location: some pool, somewhere. The cultural impact: major.
Swan Goals was a watershed moment for the Swift-Harris union. It was the first time she posted a cute (likely staged) photo of the relationship, something that would eventually become integrated into the couple's brand. It was a bold proclamation that their love story was legit.
But Taylor and Calvin weren't the only subjects of that photograph. Another individual was also present at the Swan Goals photo shoot — namely, the eponymous swan.
One imagines that the Swan Goals photo shoot was torture for the swan. It must have spent hours being sat on by the insufferably sappy pair of tall, lovestruck celebrities, quietly enduring countless re-dos and failed attempts at getting the picture to come out just right. Being used and abused as an empty prop in a celebrity relationship is sure to turn even the most virtuous swan into a bitter, revenge-obsessed swan-warlock.
That's right. The inflatable swan had a swan goal of its own: to destroy Swift and Harris's relationship within a year's time.
If you're still skeptical, consider this: The original image was posted on June 10 of last year, and news of the breakup hit the internet 357 days later, on the first of the month.
Warning to any couples who plan on "swanning" this summer: Don't fuck with the wrong inflatable swan.