Comedian and writer Emily Heller has a theory: presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump is the golden retriever from every 90s kid's favorite movie about basketball-playing dogs, and that basketball-playing dog wasn't the fluffy protagonist we always thought he was. Realistically, Air Bud was sort of an asshole. Heller, who said she has not actually seen Air Bud, explained in a Facebook post:
"What we have here is your basic 'there's nothing in the rule book that says a pumpkin headed reality tv star can't be President' situation. Hillary is like those other basketball kids, you know, who practiced dribbling and shooting for years and they really thought they knew what game they were playing."
Hillary Clinton, the presumptive Democratic nominee for president, would indeed seem to have been practicing her whole damn life for this game. Since her college days, she's seemingly been aware that her destiny would be butting up against the protestations of domineering males. She became a lawyer, the first lady of Arkansas, the First Lady of the United States, a U.S. Senator, Obama's secretary of state and now the first serious female contender for the Oval Office.
The path forward probably looked pretty clear, at least until this dopey, feather-headed beast swept in and not only turned the tables, but overturned them, as golden retrievers are wont to do. Heller continued:
"Then this fucking fluffy dog who has no business on the court starts showing up and it's like, what, I have to play against a dog now? The dog didn't practice. The dog doesn't know the rules. Those kids were in a shitty situation. The dog is a cheater."
Trump, by all accounts, is also a cheater — allegedly at golf, in business, on at least one of his wives, but also in a broader sense. He didn't earn this. He's avowedly not a politician, although he's running for the highest political office in the U.S. He just comes in and distracts the audience with his blonde-ish novelty.
And the parallels don't end there: Trump has famously small hands, which — like paws — would seem to make holding a basketball an awkward enterprise, and all the more amazing when he succeeds.
So, according to Heller, Trump is Air Bud and Air Bud was the worst. The comparison holds a surprising amount of water. Think about it. We could call him Hair Bud.