(Editors note: Spoilers for Pretty Little Liars ahead.) Tuesday's episode of Pretty Little Liars picked up after Caleb turned Alison over to Uber A — who clearly has some connection to or is Alison's new hubby, Dr. Elliott Rollins, who proceeds to quietly threaten her in his masked British accent and stick her with a syringe. It was a bad day for Ali.
Meanwhile, Hanna escaped her twisted captor only to end up as a literal deer in Mary Drake's headlights.
As fans expressed on Twitter, this episode lacked the normal Pretty Little Liars drama and action, and instead seemed to be a decompression from last week's episode and a set up for next week. Also, this was clearly the breakup episode, where everyone talks about the magnetic, seemingly inescapable quality of Rosewood and chucks the shiny new toys they acquired in their time away from home. Bye Jordan. Bye Liam. Well... sort of "bye" to Liam. And maybe bye Spencer?
So before we dive into "Haleb" and "Ezria" and the slew of other love triangles, let's talk about Mary Drake. The episode opens with the new "Mrs. D" giving Hanna a ride back to Spencer's house, talking about how complicated family secrets can be— how sometimes they are "actual people."
Hannah asks her, "Is that what you are?" to the response, "Not anymore." We know that Mary Drake was locked up in Radley Sanitorium for most of her life (hence no one knowing of her existence) but now we have been given an explanation as to why: When she and the original Mrs. D (Jessica) were 14 years old, Jessica was babysitting and begged Mary to come over and relieve her. Mary obliged, and Jessica put the baby to bed before sneaking out to meet a boy.
When the parents returned home, however, the baby was dead in his room and the blame landed squarely on Mary, who had lied and said she had been babysitting the whole time because Jessica had a headache. Jessica, evidently, stayed silent and let her twin sister get locked away forever. Clearly they never watched White Christmas growing up.
So, in light of her confession and vulnerability, we begin to feel for Mary Drake. Maybe she was a victim too— just like Charlotte. But we also know that she has been conspiring with the increasingly evil Dr. Elliott Rollins. With his weirdo British accent and vampiric appearance, he is now withholding Ali from any visitors and injecting her with a mysterious crazy potion. Even Mary Drake, in a private silhouetted conversation that Emily observes through blinds in the hospital, objects to how Elliott is treating Alison. Which begs the question—how evil is Mary Drake?
So now on to the messy tangle of relationships that we just saw end, falter, or tested. Couples: Aria and Liam, Aria and Ezra, Hanna and Jordan, Hanna and Caleb (maybe?), Caleb and Spencer (for now), and Emily and Alison (bear with us, here).
Here's who broke up:
Aria and Liam: Aria jumps the gun and totally botches her intended amicable and understanding breakup with Liam. She dives right into the whole "it's not you, it's me" spiel (come on, Aria, you're a writer, get creative) before he can announce to her that he is now the editor— what he calls "creative gatekeeper"— for her and Ezra's book in progress. Liam proceeds to accuse and mildly threaten Ezra in an edit session through the guise of critiquing the book's characters.
Hanna and Jordan: Hanna attempts to reignite their dwindling romantic flame by planning a second first date at the bar in which they first met. She's also wearing a killer red dress. However, when they discover that the place has been razed, Hanna realizes that her love for Jordan may have been as fickle as New York City real estate. Though we don't hear the words, we see her hand her engagement ring back to Jordan-- which isn't lost on cute/creepy little Lucas as she finally signs on to be in business with him. But really, did anyone think Jordan was going to last?
Here's who's on the rocks:
Spencer and Caleb: After making it clear throughout the entire kidnapping ordeal that his heart still lies with Hanna, Caleb is kind of in the dog house with Spencer. She spends a lot of the episode whimpering in corners, knowing the truth but not wanting to admit it. Caleb, on the other hand, doesn't want to admit to himself that he's still in love with Hanna and tries to get Spencer to "come to bed"—can't blame a guy, right? They finally address their stiffness (and not the good kind) at the end of the episode, when Caleb refers to their relationship in the past tense, which doesn't go unnoticed by poor Spence.
Who should just get (it) together:
Ezra and Aria: Guys, we just need you to quit holding hands on benches where Aria's very recent ex-boyfriend can clearly see you and get back together already. #TeamEzria
Hanna and Caleb: Caleb, you started this episode by handing Hanna someone else's engagement ring— just get your own and make us all happy. #TeamHaleb
Emily and Alison: They make out in bed. Emily is annoyingly obsessed with her. Ali has said that Emily is her "favorite" since pretty much Day 1. Let's call a spade a spade, guys. #TeamEmison
The episode ends with Spencer getting fired from her job in DC via text— effectively getting ghosted by an institution— and faceless hands injecting Alison with something through an IV in her hospital room. She is then mysteriously transported somewhere on a gurney—though the over the top halos suggest this might be a dream sequence.
We see some serious action drama coming up next episode, complete with open hospital gowns, potential poison, and attempted strangulation. The kind of PLL we know and need.