This Is the Best Sexting Emoji of All and It's Astounding That You're Not Using It

This Is the Best Sexting Emoji of All and It's Astounding That You're Not Using It

There is an emoji hiding amongst the useless faces, various flags and infinite varieties of public transit. It stands out among vegetables and flying droplets as king among sexting emojis, though you've likely never used it this way.

We bring you the sexting emoji you've been terribly neglecting: the popping, spilling champagne bottle.

It can't be unseen. Unlike other emojis often used for sexting — the throbbing eggplant, the supple peach — the frothing champaign bottle implies motion. The sexting emojis of yesterday are like still-life portraits — merely showing us stagnant objects.

The bursting bottle is a moment and a movement. The bottle needs you right now.

In all fairness to the eggplant, it has thickness and sheen. We have a proud history of fucking vegetables here in the United States. 

We have a history of the brimming bottle in our visual vocabulary, often seen as a tired trope in films — along with the sudden fireworks display. Directors too scandalized to show an orgasm on screen will cut away to the celebratory bottle pop in a parallel scene.

Yet every day, the popping bottle emoji goes almost entirely ignored in our recently used emojis. At time of writing, searching Instagram for this emoji returns just over 62,000 results — a travesty compared to the 134,000 results for the peach emoji.

There are other hidden gems among the emojis. There's the brimming honey pot,and the train in the tunnel. There's the literal screw. There's ... whatever this is supposed to be, if not the perfect international sign for bottoming:

But the bottle is ready for us. It needs no explanation, just the opportunity to shine. And if it's not clear at this point:

It means cumming. Get it? Go forth and bust.

Read more:
• Boris Johnson's Brexit Speech Is Big on Pornhub, for Some Goddamn Reason
• Pornhub Is Now Offering 'Porn for the Blind,' or Porn for Blind People