Every one of us has the potential to be a superhero.
We don't mean that in an Awaken the Giant Within kind of way — this isn't about you and your self-esteem, so get over yourself.
We're talking about that rectangular mini-tesseract you carry around in your pocket. We're talking about your phone.
Each and every day, our smartphones enable us to perform what we dismiss as mundane tasks but instead ought to celebrate as feats of superhuman proportions! Thor has his hammer. Green Lantern has his ring. We have our phones.
With great power comes great responsibility. Here are five smartphone-enabled superpowers we need to use wisely.
Omniscience. How does it feel to know everything (or, at least, to have access to everything there is to know that's available online)? Pretty damn good. With that voice-command concierge on your phone, it's like having our own pocket J.A.R.V.I.S.! As superpowers go, always being right and never losing an argument are pretty rad. Besides, superheroes don't need friends anyway.
Memory: Kind of goes hand-in-hand with omniscience, but our phone powers enable us to capture moments in time (frankly, way more than we really need), store them in a magnificent floating vault known as the Cloud and retrieve them whenever we need to win an argument.
Navigation: Wherever there's trouble in the world, Superman is somehow able to fly to the precise location — no map, no directions — and never get lost. Well, our map app gives us that same Kryptonian sense of direction — plus traffic warnings!
Telekinesis: Sure, Magneto can move and manipulate objects with his mind — only if they're metallic. Good luck adjusting the temperature on the Nest or setting the DVR to record The Bachelor when you're not at home, vengeful mutant! Your magnetic telekinesis is no match for our Internet of Thingggggssss!
Pyrokinesis: In the Marvel universe, pyrokinesis is "the ability to excite the atoms within an object, possibly enough energy to ignite the object." Well, with our streaming-musical powers, we have the ability to select the right jams on the spot, cast them to the closest speaker and cook up a dance party that'll set the place on fiyah!