The Elderly Residents of This Nursing Home Are Probably Getting Laid More Than You Are

Source: Shutterstock/Mic
Source: Shutterstock/Mic

If you've spent your summer in the midst of a sexual dry spell that has you wondering if your genitals are actually just freeze-dried vegetables, then maybe don't read this New York Times article about elderly people who are getting laid on the regular.

The piece focuses on Hebrew Home at Riverdale in the Bronx, which is a nursing home in New York that apparently gets lit AF after dark.

"I enjoyed it and he was a very good lover," one 85-year-old resident told the Times of a recent sexcapade she had with her new boyfriend, whom she met in the elevator. "That was part of how close we were: physically touching and kissing."

Source: YouTube/Mic

The article highlights the various ways Hebrew Home's "sexual expression policy" — a set of standards created to "encourage intimacy among those who want it, but also to protect others from unwanted advances and to set guidelines for the staff" — enables residents to get off. It involves happy hours, private sleepovers, "Do Not Disturb" signs and even an on-site dating service. 

Research suggests that sexual desire does not always dissipate with age. A 2010 study from Indiana University found that 46% of men and 33% of women over the age of 70 still masturbate, and 43% and 22% still have vaginal intercourse — so good for these seniors for getting theirs.

That said, nursing home hook-up culture does have its share of issues. Sexually transmitted infections, for instance, have become a serious concern in nursing homes in recent years.

"Part of it is because for older people, the sexual-health disaster of their generation was an unwanted pregnancy," American Sexual Health Association communications director Fred Wyand told U.S. News & World Report in March. "They may not be thinking about protection when in fact seniors are just as susceptible to STDs as anybody else."

There are also a number of very high school-ish issues that can go along with nursing home relationships, such as jealousy and ~*dRaMa*~. As Winnie Hu wrote in the Times piece:

Relationships also mean more drama for the staff, which tries to keep up with who is together and who is not. The dining room can be a land mine. Sometimes, one member of a couple will get jealous when the other pays attention to someone else. Other couples become too amorous, prompting calls to "keep it in your room."

You know what? Maybe your sexual dry spell isn't so bad after all!

Read more:
• Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Goop'-Approved Sex Life Would Cost You More Than $25,000 IRL
• Leonardo DiCaprio Allegedly Vapes and Wears Headphones During Sex, Lol
• This Elderly Couple's Passionate Airport Embrace Will Make You Believe in True Love

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

Nicolas DiDomizio

Nicolas DiDomizio is a Staff Connections Writer at Mic. Prior to Mic, he was at MTV for 3 years. He holds a masters from NYU and a bachelors from Western Connecticut State University. Contact him at nic@mic.com.

MORE FROM

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.