Jessica Alba and Obama Instagram Shows Democrats Are Cooler Than the GOP

The Democrats are cooler than the Republicans again. On Wednesday, they launched Obama's #forall social media campaign via Instagram.


As best I can tell, it's like some socio-political drinking game where you're required to think the words "for all" after you read what people write on their hands. Look at Jessica Alba being all hot and fun in that picture up there. Look at how tickled she is by the idea of uncontested abortions and socialist-style compensation plans. (I've thought about this extensively, and I don't think there's any way I'm taking those hand notes out of context.)

For all the differences between the Republican and Democratic parties, one thing has remained constant in my lifetime. With the exception of a two-year window following 9/11 where most of the country went all Team America and "freedom fries" on the world, Democrats have always been cooler than Republicans. 

I still give credit to the Animaniacs intro for repping Bill Clinton's saxophone gig long after our adolescent minds should have moved on.

Let me be clear about this: I'm not making a statement on which party is right or wrong from a policy standpoint. The summation of my thoughts on governmental policy is a John Galt-ian "Get the hell out of my way." Obviously, neither a Republican nor A Democrat can achieve that policy, so let's not get wrapped up in it. 

This is about the ad game. I sold advertising for years. My favorite show is Mad Men. I love the art of persuasion. Social media is the newest tool in the game, and the presidential election is the game on its biggest stage. I'll try to explain, but let's take a brief interlude and see if Rush Limbaugh has anything to say on this topic:

Rush attempt #1: “When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it’s an invitation.”  

Rush attempt #2: “We’re not sexists, we’re chauvinists — we’re male chauvinist pigs, and we’re happy to be because we think that’s what men were destined to be. We think that’s what women want.”

Rush attempt #3: “Women should not be allowed on juries where the accused is a stud.”

Three strikes and he's out! Ha ha! Rush Limbaugh!  I love that guy. I think that randomly interrupting articles with Rush quotes should be a thing. Alright, let's get back to it.

The Democrats have mastered a very simple concept. If you can convince people who wouldn't have voted to go vote, they'll vote for you once they're there, even if they know nothing about your morals and beliefs. Bill Clinton Rocked the Vote with a sax, Barack's framing votes with Instagram.

It's a good move, Barack. As long as you can convince someone that it's cool to be involved in politics (and Jessica Alba sure helps), you're sure to get their vote. Watch the video below, and tell me if I'm wrong. Isn't the Democratic game plan to just convince you to vote, and that's it? 

The people who would vote anyway have already made up their minds, so this is how you win the in-betweeners. Shrewd. 


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Dustin Riedesel

An amateur chauvinist, failed lesbian and aggressively mediocre wordsmith. For money, he is a salesman. You can find more of Dustin's work at Writing Bareback.

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