Up until about 2000, women mostly had their pick of modest options for Halloween costumes. But in the last 16 years, sexy costumes have become so ubiquitous they've even developed subgenres.
There's the sexy professions genre, home to classics like the sexy police officer, sexy firefighter and sexy nurse. But this genre also gets more specific: Instead of just being your run-of-the mill sexy nurse, you could give "sexy army green nurse" or "cardiac arrest nurse" a try. Bored with being a sexy police officer in the suburbs? Try "sexy city cop" on for size.
Any costume with "sexy" in front of its name is assuredly one that's needlessly sexy — and by extension, it's sexist, since "sexy" costumes constitute women's only options for store-bought looks.
But as retailers reach for something more creative than the French maid, the word "sexy" has all but lost its meaning. And certainly, none of us ever asked for a "sexy Harambe" costume, a concept as sexless as it is problematic.
So, without further ado, Mic presents the following brief exploration of an emerging genre of "sexy" Halloween costumes: the costumes no one ever wanted to be sexy.
1. This sexy banana
Potassium has never been hotter, right?
2. This sexy lobster (for 20% off!)
Because a pair of fuzzy lobster claws brings out every woman's inner sex goddess.
3. Sexy Patrick Star
As though our childhoods haven't been ruined enough.
4. Sexy Bert and Ernie
Ruined childhood, party of two.
5. A sexy goldfish
Nothing says sex appeal like a nice set of gills.
6. Sexy... Snapchat?
We all know the dog filter makes us all look marginally more attractive for some twisted reason, but this is maybe a step too far.
7. Sexy corn husk
Who can resist a healthy intake of vegetables?
The ancient Celts didn't give the world Halloween so that one day we could type in "sexy" before any noun and come up with a viable costume idea. Halloween retailers, consider this an official plea: Think before you act.