While Thursday's vice presidential debate is unlikely to top the 2008 debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, don't despair. Tonight's debate promises far more than Big Bird memes in terms of sheer hilarity, as the potential underwear model faces off against the far older debater best known for spouting commentary that sounds like it comes straight from the pages of the Onion.
But never fear — even if the debate is as boring as Jim Lehrer, you can keep yourself entertained with this handy-dandy vice presidential Mad Lib. Guaranteed to make the debate seem at least half as long and twice as interesting. Happy spontaneous improvising!
Martha Raddatz: Good evening. I’m (name of one of two female moderators in the last 20 years) from (major news network) here in (ridiculously small town in Kentucky). Welcome to the first and only 2012 vice presidential debate between Republican candidate (name of would-be-shirtless politician) and Democratic candidate (name of often-parodied, gaffe-prone politician).
Tonight’s debate will be divided into (arbitrary number) segments, addressing (important issues facing America). The audience tonight has agreed to refrain from (obnoxious behavior that will take place over Twitter instead) out of courtesy to those watching at home.
Paul Ryan: (Generic salutation). (Charming facial expression).
Joe Biden: (Generic salutation). (Failed attempt at a joke.)
Raddatz: I’d like to start with a question about (important economic issue). What are your plans to deal with (shocking statistic)?
Ryan: I know there’s been some confusion about (a Romney-Ryan plan).
Biden: I’d like to (another word for fact-check). What Ryan has (synonym for literally) said is (Republican talking point). But (description of Obama’s policies) are helping (large number) of Americans.
Ryan: We can all admit that (unpleasant facts about the American economy). It’s been (number between one and 10) years. (One of Obama's policies) is simply not working, despite (Democratic talking point).
Biden: But what exactly are your plans?
Ryan: Look, it’s very simple. (Wonkish description of the problem). Our campaign is focused on the economy, and that’s what we need to be focused on if we’re going to rebuild America.
Raddatz: What about (hot-button social issue)?
Biden: I’d like to say that (progressive stance not yet approved by Obama administration).
Ryan: Personally, I think that (stance that appeals to conservative voter base). But back to the more pressing issues of the economy…
Repeat, adding gaffes and zingers where appropriate.