In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death, taxes and bad Donald Trump tweets.
Since the president-elect's victory in the Nov. 8 presidential election — and well before then — he's used his Twitter account for any bewildering number of malevolent purposes including threatening the government of China, mocking former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's debut on The New Celebrity Apprentice and wishing a happy New Year to his "many enemies."
But what if it didn't need to be this way?
The satirical account Mature Trump Tweets is what the president-elect might sound like were he actually classy and not extremely not classy. "Presidential Trump" is just fine with his bald head of hair and enjoys weighing in on national and world issues with a restrained, reassuring and polite tone.
Check out these comparisons from Mature Trump Tweets and the real thing:
On partisanship
Bill Clinton stated that I called him after the election. Wrong, he called me (with a very nice congratulations). He "doesn't know much" ...
This is no longer about Repubs/Dems, Cons/Libs. Sure, we disagree on fundamental issues, but at our core we're all Americans. #timetounite https://t.co/YEPIHXC4W3
On the media
If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to "tweet." Sadly, I don't know if that will ever happen!
I'm calling "detente" w/ the media. We must work together for the good of democracy AND America. Let's show the people we can. #Transparency https://t.co/SXgGq8akU3
On an educated and well-informed populace
We ALL must educate ourselves more, demand truth & accuracy; be vigilant when facts are blurred. When truth's elusive, democracy is doomed!
On New Year's Eve
Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don't know what to do. Love!
Happy New Year to all, including my many opponents who fought hard for what they believe. May 2017 bring us unity, peace, harmony and love. https://t.co/WtTDpqcnuU
On whether Russia hacked the DNC and Hillary Clinton's campaign
Just watched @NBCNightlyNews - So biased, inaccurate and bad, point after point. Just can't get much worse, although @CNN is right up there!
I'm asking Senate, Congress & 4th Estate to work tirelessly 2 gain crystal clarity re Russian interference 2 preserve sacrosanct democracy! https://t.co/6CPhx9gWGY
If Russia, or some other entity, was hacking, why did the White House wait so long to act? Why did they only complain after Hillary lost?
If Russia, or some other entity was hacking, we must treat this as an act of espionage that threatens our very democracy. #integritymatters https://t.co/AS3BAgCyju
Julian Assange said "a 14 year old could have hacked Podesta" - why was DNC so careless? Also said Russians did not give him the info!
The Russian hacking intel briefing delayed 'til Friday. Looking forward to clarity so we can all deal w/facts & appropriate consequences. https://t.co/Xr0dXv8wqR
I will not be commenting about the hacks until I have heard the full intel briefing. It's important to have the facts before weighing in. https://t.co/aHMo0obmaH
It's now clear to us Russia hacked/interfered. We will vigorously fight cyber attacks & restore America's faith in the democratic process.
Having been briefed, I support Pres Obama's punitive measures against Russia. I've asked for assessment & cyber security plan w/in 90 days! https://t.co/8RWza9Lklh
On the election
@EazyMF_E: @realDonaldTrump Many people are now saying you will be an extremely successful president! #MakeAmericaGreatAgain" Thank you!
I realize I didn't win vote majority. Many Americans disenfranchised. Much work to reach across aisle, heal divides. This isn't about me! https://t.co/zyrgFp3YM9
We did it! Thank you to all of my great supporters, we just officially won the election (despite all of the distorted and inaccurate media).
Electoral is official. Now we must heal; come together, find common ground & a better future for ALL Americans! We can do this ...together! https://t.co/GuP9jkdWCQ
On his inauguration
The so-called "A" list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!
Reflective & solemn thinking of the great men who came before me. This inauguration is about the American people. I'm moved to be part of it https://t.co/ZvJ0XgJ2qn
Hopefully, all supporters, and those who want to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, will go to D.C. on January 20th. It will be a GREAT SHOW!
Anything after the oath Jan. 20 is just pomp & circumstance. I'm focused on the myriad things we must do to stay safe, heal, unite & thrive. https://t.co/Xdt2xaj0US
On Israel and the U.N.
The big loss yesterday for Israel in the United Nations will make it much harder to negotiate peace.Too bad, but we will get it done anyway!
Looking forward to POTUS briefing to fully understand reason for U.N. vote abstention. I appreciate the complexities & will strive for peace https://t.co/1zIE83on5M
On President Barack Obama
President Obama said that he thinks he would have won against me. He should say that but I say NO WAY! - jobs leaving, ISIS, OCare, etc.
I appreciate all Pres Obama has done to make our transition seamless. Now we will engage Repubs & Dems to advance the American way of life. https://t.co/wEq29SsS0C
On Chicago's homicide rate
Chicago murder rate is record setting - 4,331 shooting victims with 762 murders in 2016. If Mayor can't do it he must ask for Federal help!
Chicago homic rate is alarming. We must understand root cause, share best practices & implement viable solutions 2 turn tide. #valuehumanity https://t.co/GUqVdR7TR1
On trade
General Motors is sending Mexican made model of Chevy Cruze to U.S. car dealers-tax free across border. Make in U.S.A.or pay big border tax!
Tariffs on US products made in foreign lands shipped back here tax free could have positive $ impact. Will appoint task force to assess. https://t.co/yrMo3dVOqq
On himself
@CNN just released a book called "Unprecedented" which explores the 2016 race & victory. Hope it does well but used worst cover photo of me!
18 days 'til inaug. I'm laser focused on this yuge responsibility & will work tirelessly, avoiding distractions to serve w/honor & dignity. https://t.co/BSGGV7npQP
While the problem with Trump isn't really whether or not he's polite — it's the platform of bigotry he campaigned on and his glaring personal liabilities — the account is certainly a distressing look at the alternate-reality Trump that could have been instead of the real Donald Trump we got.
