Ah, St. Patrick's Day. A day filled with green beer, public humiliation and the chance to see someone (maybe even someone you love) decked in an undoubtedly unflattering green suit and top hat situation.
Some even sport an orange wig.
Many add a bit of flair.
And plenty of others embrace the holiday with casual green and four-leaf clover-laden garments — a subtle ode to leprechauns, like Sean Spicer and his pants here from last St. Patrick's Day.
But we think it's high time for the green suit to be laid to rest, the green top hat to be put down and those buckled shoes to, well, never be seen again.
The leprechaun deserves some respect, after all.
Just think about his life for a second. Dude is utterly ignored, banished to a few boxes in the back of your local CVS or Rite Aid, and then awoken to find that he has to go around pranking people.
His life sucks.
Even back when the legend of leprechauns was born, leprechauns were portrayed as being fairy-like creatures that spend their time mending shoes and (for some reason) have a hidden pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. If captured by a human being, then they'd grant three wishes in exchange for their own freedom.
That life sucks too.
The leprechaun deserves some pampering, some respect. And we say, why the hell not just give him a makeover?
Let's start with the color. Although the color leprechauns have been known to wear has been disputed before, with some saying it's actually red, the most common depiction has them decked in green, the color of slime and greed and nausea. Leprechauns are usually illustrated as redheads, and although plenty of people think green is flattering on redheads, it's not. (This writer would know.)
You know what is though? Gold.
Gold would also go along with this theme that he is apparently rich and loves money. Dude would like gold. Dude would look good in gold.
So let's give him a gold suit, like this:
Or maybe this.
Why not give leprechauns a little sheen, you know?
OK so let's talk about the hat. It's 2017. Top hats are either for Abraham Lincoln impersonators or your least-favorite cousin. Let's modernize this little guy.
Let's give him a brimmed black hat a la Beyoncé.
Or wait, maybe a beanie?
Depending on location, the brimmed hat would be cute in warmer weather, while the beanie would be great for the cold. Options!
OK, now for the shoes. Again, it's 2017. There are really plenty of shoes that would allow the leprechaun to run long distances and not look like he's about to disembark the Mayflower and spread syphilis to millions.
How about... these? Yes? Black and gold loafers? Worn without the high white socks, of course.
These are kinda perfect. We would honestly wear them, regardless of if it was St. Patrick's Day or not.
Outfitted in a gold suit, black hat and tasteful loafers, the leprechaun has now turned into a very tiny man who we'd think about dating. And not, well, this:
Leprechaun impersonators of the world, we hope you're taking notes.