It’s official: America is one election away from the zombie apocalypse. At least, that’s what Joss Whedon thinks will happen if Mitt Romney wins. The director of The Avengers has given Romney his unwavering support, as the end of the world gives him a lot creative fodder for his next big hit. Smart business, Joss.
Hold on a second. I’m not sure he thought this through. Realistically, a zombie apocalypse isn’t good for the box office. Your average zombie isn’t known for his deep pockets. I don’t see the walking dead dropping $12 a pop to see Whedon's next cinematic masterpiece.
Then again, the same could be said of the average American under Barack Obama’s policies. Four years of unending — I’m sorry, I meant worsening — economic hardship haven't left us with loads of disposable cash, either. Zombies actually have it pretty nice by comparison. At least they don’t have to agonize over the state of their bank accounts the way I do.
Maybe the zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be so bad after all! At least we’d all be equal. The liberal’s egalitarian dream would be fully realized in such a world. No more differences, no more disagreements, no more unfairness. Brains — from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
Can you imagine the 1% in the post-apocalyptic world? The shattered remnant of humanity would want nothing more than to hold on to their wealth and their opulence. Meanwhile, the rest of us would suffer under the burden of knowing that we don’t have the same opportunities. Those selfish, capitalist pigs; the 99% demand justice. And brains. Or at least the labors of their brains. A progressive tax rate has nothing on a zombie bite.
And are we sure we’re not in the midst of the zombie apocalypse now?
Whedon points that you can’t have the end of the world without some good, old-fashioned rioting. Well, we can check that box. Many on the left are already threatening to riot if Romney wins. The same holds true for Europe, where the socialist welfare state is in full bloom. The apocalypse is apparently well under way over there. From London to Athens, riots are a yearly — or often monthly or even daily — fact of life.
Romney, on the other hand, has promised to take us in the opposite direction of this New Eden. Jerk.
Joss, I think you need to reconsider your vote. You endorsed the wrong candidate. Obama’s America already has everything you want. Nothing says zombie Armageddon like poverty, violence, and a daily struggle to survive. Four more years, anyone?