Wow, that was fun: 2012 has definitely been a momentous year in American politics. A lot of things changed! Other things? Well, not so much.
Let’s take a look at what has and hasn’t changed over the past year in politics, and predictions for what we’ll be comparing it to in 2013.
Anthony Weiner, New York Congressman, was caught sending pictures of his naughty bits to a 21-year-old woman in Seattle via Twitter.
David Petraeus, Director of the CIA and Pentagon golden boy, was revealed, in a series of emails, to be having a scandalous affair with defense reporter Paula Broadwell.
Newt Gingrich is caught having a multiple affairs via Pinterest. (It’s just statistically likely at this point.)
THEN: In Arizona, Maricopa Country Sheriff Joe Arpaio comes under fire for alleged racial animosity towards Latinos, including creating his own “air posse” to track illegal immigrants.
NOW: Sheriff Joe wins re-election, and claims that “I would hope to get together with the Latino community, if I could ever have them talk to me without screaming and threatening me.”
2013: Sheriff Joe chokes to death on a taco.
THEN: Occupy Wall Street.
Frustrated with a lack of banking reform, a decrease in employment and wages, and having none of their demands met by Congress, liberals protest the government.
NOW: Wall Street.
JPMorgan and Wells Fargo announce record profits, in history’s most profitable year of foreclosures, debt, and bilking.
2013: Occupy Occupy Wall Street.
Frustrated with a lack of banking reform, a decrease in employment and wages, and having none of their demands met by Congress, liberals protest themselves.
THEN: Former congressman Allen West Compares Democrats to Nazis.
"If Joseph Goebbels was around, he'd be very proud of the Democratic Party because they have an incredible propaganda machine," West told reporters in the Capitol.
NOW: Allen West Concedes.
2013: Who was Allen West, again?
THEN: Herman Cain On Top.
Herman Cain, pizza mogul extraordinaire, is briefly the frontrunner in the GOP primary race.
NOW: Herman Cain Hits Rock Bottom.
We have been robbed of a Cain presidency.
2013: In a surprise upset, Herman Cain is elected President of the Hypermoon.
THEN: Debt Ceiling.
NOW: Debt Ceiling.
GOP Senator Bob Corker: “Hopefully we’ll do the same thing we did last time.”
2013: Debt Ceiling.
Come on, you didn’t think this was over, did you?
THEN: The Drone Arms Race.
The New York Times warns of the upcoming drone arms race; a college professor warns that “they will be almost impossible to shoot down.”
NOW: Syrian DIY Tank.
Syrian rebels reveal a homemade tank, the Sham II, which is equipped with a 7.62mm machine gun and a Playstation controller. (Does it have Dualshock?)
2013: Drones making drones.
This is exactly what it sounds like, except scarier.
THEN: Hurricane Irene.
New York City shuts down amid flooding fears before Hurricane Irene, which inflicts $16.6 billion in total damages.
NOW: Hurricane Sandy.
New York City shuts down amid flooding fears before Hurricane Sandy, which inflicts $63 billion in total damages.
2013: Hurricane Deathscreamer.
New York City is destroyed by Hurricane Deathscreamer, after which the concept of money holds little to no value.
THEN: Mitt Romney Winning.
Mitt Romney is the GOP frontrunner for the 2012 presidential nomination. The Onion reports Romneymania sweeps America.
NOW: Mitt Romney Losing.
The Onion reports that a filthy Mitt Romney delivers a campaign speech to an audience of confused shoppers in an Ohio Safeway.
2013: Double Trouble.
Tagg Romney announces he will run for President in 2016.
AND OH YEAH, THIS GUY WAS, IS, AND WILL BE PRESIDENT: