Golden Globe Awards 2013: Winners and Nominees LIVE

The Golden Globes are the best thing on television and all other trophies ought to bow in their globular presence. Tune in to NBC at 8 ET on Sunday night; that’s an order.

This live blog will be serious* — and it will not degrade The Globes with an imprudent humanoid relational analogy (see: fun foreign exchange student or crazy uncle). 

Point all (all!) your internet-y devices here for answers to your pressing, anxiety-inducing questions. Because, let’s be honest, no matter how great an awards show is, it’s still boring and elitist and regular folks need to make fun of things.

Like, what’s happening? Seriously though, are women actually funny? WWTFMD (what would Tina Fey’s muppet do)? Is there one of those animated gif things to articulate my present emotions? Does anyone care besides Streep’s family? Does Streep’s family even care anymore? Where is Streep?

Oh and some awards will be given, yes? Here’s to Django Unchained winning Best Motion Picture — and as many other categories as possible — so that all the white people squirm in their seats and then write books questioning the legacy of the Lincoln administration. Les Miserables was definitely the best comedy, er, musical — wait, what? 

On the television side, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will almost certainly catfight as co-hosts and competing nominees for best comedic actress. Juggernauts Homeland and Breaking Bad duke it out for Best Television Drama, likely rendering the rest of us dead or something.

Plus a bunch of very predictable and probably unpredictable stuff. 

* Serious insofar as I can only relate to the world around me via satire, sarcasm, and non sequiturs.