ABC’s The Bachelor continues to mesmerize us with its amazing plot twists.
For Monday’s episode of the hit comedy/drama/thriller, bachelorette Leslie is going to get a date with Sean Lowe, where the couple will attempt to break the record for the world’s longest on-screen kiss, currently clocked in at three minutes and 15 seconds. Certainly, it’s a record worth holding and, when looking at the Guinness World Records, it’s just up there with Fastest 10m travelled while carrying a table and weight in the mouth. And I think it takes about as much talent too.
Meanwhile, Ashlee will get a date with Sean but it will be cut tragically short by one of the other bachelorettes falling, knowing full well that the wonderful bachelor loves all his women and cannot turn away from a lady in pain. Previews imply that the vicious fiend that commits this horrid treachery will be Tierra but how one person can be capable of such malice is beyond me.
It is also implied that there will be some trouble for Kacie, who may be jeopardizing her chances for staying on the show by warning Sean of all the evil, malevolent ladies out to get him. If that is the case, I cannot believe that the scumbag would be willing to send such a sweetheart home after she actually risked her high reputation by pointing her finger at the other ladies in the house.
Watching Kacie become some sort of postmodernist Cordelia, who dares risk the wrath of someone she loves because she ultimately wants what’s best for them, truly brings a tear to my eyes.
The real question, of course, is whether any of these tactics will help the ladies secure a rose so they can all spend one more week catfighting for a man’s attention while under the watchful eyes of a shower camera. Feminine empowerment FTW.
For further details on this gripping drama, be sure to follow what the ladies are saying about one another, which should really give you an insight on these perceptive individuals. Also, check out the official cheat sheet that helps you learn everything you wanted to know about all the show’s bachelorettes; Sean may not know these things about them but we should, lest we get lost in this intricate web of storytelling mastery.
Plus, if you want to act like a pundit and gauge how much attraction there is between each individual, be sure to check out the kiss leaderboard, which is categorized by pecks, make outs, and hot tub kisses. Surprisingly, however, it does not provide a scale for how much each type of kiss is worth.
I think there used to be a profession where each act performed between a male and female is documented and then cumulatively charged but, of course, that’s done for money and this is done for love.
Of course, if you simply can’t keep yourself away from all the drama, be sure to apply as a bachelorette for the next season so you too can learn what true love feels like.
Seriously, we hate on Mormons and Muslims for polygamy after this? Seriously?
The Bachelor airs Monday night on ABC at 8/7C.