The Grammys had a high quantity of mid to high-quality moments. We had to focus on these quantities if we want to come away with a good picture of this incredible, and mostly forgettable, night of pretty good music.
I've gathered here my preliminary estimates for a special report: "The Grammys By the Numbers." A carefully calculated retrospective of the night described by estimates of the nights most outrageous and salient moments.
12: The number of times LL Cool J licked his lips.
8: The number of times LL Cool J told a bullshit story about the Grammys being music.
4: The number of awards Dan Auerbach of the Black Keys won (it was the highest number of awards won by a single artist this year).
2: The number of awards fun. won. (also the lamest number of awards won by a single artist tonight.)
0: The number of awards fun. should have won.
8: The number of times Taylor Swift got giddy and clapped like a schoolgirl.
2: The number of Marleys that graced the stage.
.125: The number of Bob Marley songs that actually got sung.
2,000,000: The number of Chris Brown and Rihanna tweets.
2: The number of shits Rihanna gives about all those Chris Brown and Rihanna tweets.
I hope you enjoyed your night everyone!