Kelly Clarkson is Drunk LIVE at the Grammys 2013

Portia and Ellen and Frank are so much cooler than all of us. 

LL Cool J, stop saying hashtag.

Nicole Kidman's smile is creepy.

Kaley Cuoco's blazer is glam-amaze-yay.

Kelly Clarkson has obvi been drinking out of her purse (and so have I).

Rihanna is singing about domestic violence. But I DO support her decision to do whatever the hell she wants. Stop giving her hell. Your boyfriend sucks too.

Mumford and Sons is the most boring, one-note band ever, stop loving them, you're so white. It's commercial music. (I refuse to even address the Lumineers).

Dr. John looks beautiful in his headdress. 

Thank someone for representing New Orleans. (the jazz band during the BK performance).

I love the Black Keys. But... are we ever going to stop giving them a standing ovation? I could be off base on this one, but I don't think I am.

Dear Kelly: Get it girl. But being a star doesn't mean that you can just put that dress on. The Lifetime Achievements Performance was beautiful though. 

That Bob Marley tribute was boss. Ziggy's dreads are boss. Rihanna's outfit for that was boss, and clearly so is she, after two Grammy performances on the same night.

FRANK OCEAN FRANK OCEAN FRANK OCEAN ELLEN AND PORTIA FRANK OCEAN 

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Chloe Stillwell

Chloe currently resides in Nashville, her hometown, after long stints in New York and Los Angeles. She is a New School alum and UCB-trained sketch writer. Her alternative comedy is featured at Mad Atoms, an off-shoot of 20th Century Fox. Her work on pop culture, entertainment, feminism and social justice has appeared in The Frisky, Death & Taxes, Nerve, Guerrilla Feminism, and Amy Poheler's Smart Girls, among others. She has a penchant for dive bars and diners.

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