Breaking News: Highly-Publicized Book Tour Placed On Hiatus

Harman Cain, author of This is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House, announced today that he will be suspending his book tour amidst allegations of sexual harassment and an extra-marital affair. The former Godfather's Pizza CEO had been promoting his book on a cross-country tour while moonlighting as a presidential candidate in the endless string of televized debates and in frequent visits to non-primary states such as Alabama, Tennesse, Wisconsin, and Ohio.

While Cain's book tour has been harmful to his family life in bringing up painful allegations which could damage his marriage, his book sales have skyrocketed. This is Herman Cain! was among the top 10 sellers on Amazon last mpnth and his 2005 book, They Think You're Stupid, was released on paperback this summer due to high demand. Seriously.

Cain — whose time-consuming tour has limited his time to thoroughly research issues like U.S.-Libya relations, gay rights, and his own position on abortion (all of which are necessary issues to have a background in in order to be a legitimate presidential candidate, by the way) — may use this increased free time to get familiar with pressing issues of the day. 

But sources close to Cain indicate he is likely to parlay his outspoken arch-conservatism into a high-paying position on Fox News.

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