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The Oscars are nigh, extremely nigh. So let's get down to brass tacks, so you can catch all the Oscars action:

The red carpet stuff starts at exactly Zero Dark One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Eastern (7 p.m.).

The Academy Awards ceremony kicks off at One Thousand Two Hundred and Thirty Eastern (8:30 p.m.).

The full ceremony will hopefully end with Zero Dark Thirty (11:30 p.m.) winning for Best Picture at approximately Zero Dark Thirty on Sunday night ... hopefully this won't go into Monday morning.

Got me? Good.