The Last Big Four Awards At The 2013 Oscars

Best Director: Ang Lee winning Best Director is kind of like fun. winning Record of the Year. It's just so... vanilla. I love Ang Lee, and Life of Pi was b-e-a-utiful, but it wasn't the best directed film imho. 

Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence's speech was adorable, and she tripped on the stairs elegantly, and if you're gonna trip, that's the way to do it. I was pulling for Hushpuppy, but what are you gonna do? She definitely has more years ahead of her to offer another Oscar worthy performance. 

Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis is no big surprise. Everyone loves Lincoln, blah, I get it. His speech was great though. Lol at his Margaret Thatcher/Meryl Streep swap out with Iron Lady joke. What a class act. He basically just did stand up, while also being humble and gracious. And his shout out to his wife and all of the "men she's had to lived with," referencing all of the characters he's played, was just darling. And then to pay reverence to Abraham Lincoln himself. No wonder that's his third Best Actor award. What a man. 

Best Picture: Ah! Jack Nicholson! Ahhhh!! Michelle Obama! Ugh what a way to give that award. But then they actually gave it and it went to Argo. SIGH. At least Affleck acknowledged the other contenders, but come on. The world is turning into one giant scoop of vanilla fro-yo. Stop it. Stop it all of you.

And with that, I bid you goodnight. Chloe out. Drop the mic. 

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Chloe Stillwell

Chloe currently resides in Nashville, her hometown, after long stints in New York and Los Angeles. She is a New School alum and UCB-trained sketch writer. Her alternative comedy is featured at Mad Atoms, an off-shoot of 20th Century Fox. Her work on pop culture, entertainment, feminism and social justice has appeared in The Frisky, Death & Taxes, Nerve, Guerrilla Feminism, and Amy Poheler's Smart Girls, among others. She has a penchant for dive bars and diners.

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